so happy i have lost my edge

WEELLLLL this week has beeennnn... teh suck, really i dont know why but it has, probably just pms e_e ANYWAYS yesterday had to have been one of the worst days so far this year, ive way more things on my mind than needed, mostly about where the hell my life is actually going, heard trevors plan and that got me all... depressed like, cried like 3 times thinking about it... ANYWAYS ive been thinking about that non stop, when i got to science and such it was ok, until we finally finished our posters, see im was in a group with chaz and sean, chaz is ok but seans just plain hell, really, its like its his GOALINLIFE to make me miserable, now honestly, all he freakin did on the project was say "get to work angela" and whiteout our mistakes, and most of the time he got whiteout all over his hands and mine, sometimes i wish i could just kick him... so im already pissed off at sean, and geography we did an activity... made me feel worse... by the time i got to lunch... about half way through lunch i couldnt stop myself from crying, i spent about five minutes saying over and over to myself "suck it up its not that bad, dont ruin others days by crying" but everytime someone asked how i was and i said i had a bad day it got harder and harder to keep the tears in, finally i put my head down while lana was sitting next to me, she started talking to me and poked me when i didnt respond, i lifted p my head and she could tell i had been crying, hell how could she not? the first time she spent the night at my house she ended up seeing me crying because one of my friends was trying to kill himself and telling me all the gruesome details.. and i couldnt do a damn thing to stop him, after while i came downstairs because i wanted a hug from lana, anyways its abit of a blur, i put my yhead back down and people started noticing how isolated i had made myself and sevreal people asked me if i was ok, asked me what was wrong and such, but for the most part i spent about 10 minutes or so just crying, and everyso often id lift my head just to wipe my nose on my sleep and put my head back down, afte i was about done crying, ashley decided to drag me off to ask me what was wrong much like she did at homecoming, and its kinda funny how... sweet how she pushes people out of the way and such just to find out whats wrong with me though, even if it is filled with cussing and "FUCK OFF" its still sweet, dont get me wrong though, my other friends help too, like ellie and leah hugging me, people who i thought wouldnt even care telling me to feel better, and even people like trevor who are just there

wow... i just totally nelgected this XD WELL enough of all of that consitering i probably wont stay too... consumed in actually posting it, and that brings me to something else, does anyone even read this anymore?! i mean really, i get NO feedback from ANYONE anymore, this is seeming to be more of a journal more for my reading than anyone elses, consitering ive probably read this blog ten times more than anyone else
ANYWAYS im starting to think i should just end this blog really...