I should know better than to open my heart.

well well well this night has been... very... eventful, i saw laurens kitten (lauren was my old babysitter when cassie went to summer school) and it was so cute, we never did get around to cleaning my room, chelsea and i went to glennon with ducky, and now shes spending the night

so heres my rant:
im starting to wonder if there really is that "one person" for me, yes yes i know im still young blah blah blah, but still, anyways, i thought i loved this boy, we were close, even though he lives pretty far away, weve been like best friends for about 5 years, he said he was completely devoted to me and nothing would come between him and i, he promised it, and id always say hed find someone better, hed say he wouldnt, and even if he did he only wanted me, then all of a sudden he wasnt on for a week, he comes on today and says he found another girl, he doesnt want her but he feels the same for her that he did for me, and now all of a sudden he doesnt aknowledge that he said he loved me, he only 'liked' me, for the first couple minutes i was in shock, i didnt know what to feel, i knew hed find someone else but i didnt think this soon, and he was even starting to convince me that we would be together forever, then this happens, he felt guilty for breaking his promises, and giving me false hopes, he said that talking to me on the computer and the phone just wasnt enough and that the lonelyness consumed him, so he gets the girl and im tossed aside, at first i told him i was happy for him, after alittle bit i realized what happened and i cried, i typed to him sloppily from my shaking, chelsea was in the living room at the time, i imed her (how lame) telling her what happened, she came into my room and hugged me, i had just stopped crying when she walked in but when she hugged me and i tried to speak i started crying again, within the hour i was smiling again and trying to cheer him up because he was kicking his own ass for being a jackass to me, i tried to convince him he wasnt a screw up and only human, and humans do whatever they can to make themselves happy, and that girl was what was making him happy and i wasnt, he still feels bad he broke a promise, and he has things on his mind hes refusing to tell me, its the first time hes refused to tell me anything, it feels weird, i feel weird, i dont.. feel anything right now aside from my hunger (which by the way ive lost like 10 pounnds this summer all from forgetting to eat, yay?) i dont remember what it feels like to be happy, sad or any of that, i feel empty and alone, and i mean come on, like any of the guys around here would give me a second look, all i am is either a friend or "weird" im sick of being the good friend, and gosh damnit i need a hug