so the other day i found out exactly why trevor drumped me, i wasnt pulling my weight in the relationship or something and it felt like i was using him, something like that, and since i found that out i havent stopped thinking about it, maybe hes right, maybe i wasnt pulling my weight, maybe he was over reacting, maybe that was just a cover-up, and the more i think about, the more i try talking to people about it, the more confused i get, maybe i am just a sucky girlfriend, maybe im just a horrible friend, and maybe im just not worthy of being alive, i never seem to be good enough, i always seem to screw up, when i get upset people get pissed off at me, i never get to talk to my friends anymore, least any of them that live here, and the only people that do talk to me anymore are tawni, kyle, liz, patrick and danny, everyone else is too busy for me anymore
im really starting to wonder if life is worth living, all i seem to cause is pain, people who shouldnt care for me do, and people who should hate me dont, my world is upsidedown and inside out and no one seems to care, no one seems to care enough, maybe im over reacting, but i think the world would be better off without me
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3 comments:
Oh Angie what are you going to do, kill yourself? Just because you "messed up" one relationship doesn't mean all you cause is pain. You're a nice person who's fun to be with and if someone doesn't want be friends with you the forget them. Just because someone can't hang out with you (like the people you live by) doesn't mean they hate you or they think you suck. They just have stuff to do or something. At least you don't live in the ghetto, or in India.
Wow Jesus, way to bring the comfort. Angie, you really need to stop focusing on what you do wrong, and be more optimistic. Look at it this way: you are with the guy you like for almost a year, while I still can't get the guy I've been practically in love with for 3 years to realize this and at least tell me what he thinks.
Now, this isn't to make you feel bad, but I'm trying to help you. Maybe the reason you feel that you aren't as close to your friends as you wish to be is because it's so hard for you to be happy.
Honestly, as your friend, it's really hard for me sometimes. I want for you to be happy sooo much, but I can't figure out a way to convince you that you are worth it. I'm never going to like, give up or anything, God no. I'm just saying, that it can be really difficult, because you refuse to find good in yourself. You are such a wonderful friend to people, you listen and always put other people's petty problems before your own. But Anthony is right, just because your first real relationship didn't end in marriage, that doesn't mean you will never have a boyfriend again. And it doesn't mean that you are a horrible person. It means that Trevor and you were never meant to be. So think of it as one guy down, only about a ton more to go before you find the perfect one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. And each new relationship will be better than the last in at least one aspect of it. So don't give up. You just need to force yourself to forget the bad and focus on the future and do everything you can so that you are happy. People will wanna hang out with you more, because they won't be worried on how they can make you happier, because that's what everyone wants to do Angie, they want you to be happy. If you consider each other friends, that's what you want for each other, right? So you just need to perk up and forget every mistake you ever made, because life is like that. You can't just go back out once it gets a little sad. So be happy!
Love Ellie
PS sorry for the blog-post long comment. Lol.
I feel so helpless Angie. I just don't know what I can do to help you. Every day I feel us slipping farther and farther apart. And that es muy malo. But you just have to put this stuff behind you. Start over. You can't expect to find your life partner in high school. And don't shut people out either. Go on extreame venting raids to your friends. And try something new. Sports are a really good way to get rid of aggression and emotions. Plus you'll make new friends. If you think you aren't any good at sports, then you have to try anyways. If you don't practice you won't get good at anything, but repetition will help you become as good as you want. I want to help you be happy, but I don't know how. You have to open up and force yourself to be happy. Not put on a happy face, but suffer inside, but really focus on the moment and truely be happy. Tht will help, if you just force yourself to not think about anything sad. No more reading about ways to hurt yourself or death or anything. I'm dead serious, you have to think positively about yourself most of all. everyone else can, so why can't you?? You really are worth it, I promiss you. Please try to be happy. Cuz I can't help you until you are totally willing and ready to work at it. Ok? I love you, stay strong.
LE
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