Stereotypes much?

Tutorial to be an Emo Girl.

1. Buy all your clothes at a thrift store.
2. Buy all the black eyeliner you can find. (You’re going to need it to make yourself look sleep deprived. This will give the authentic look that you have not slept for days and that you have been crying. Run it under cold water, or wash your face soon after putting on eyeliner.)
3. Cut your hair yourself. Dye your hair yourself. Make it look as unpresentable at a family event as possible. This will signal your call for help. It’s acceptable to base hairstyles off of Frankenstein’s Bride.
4. Go to a lot of concerts of bands with depressing names. Don’t jump at the concerts; remember you’re supposed to be depressed, not happy.
5. Dress in all black. Tight clothes too. Remember that you should not be able to fit your fingers between your leg and the hem of the pant leg. Yay tight pants.
6. Look on the dark side of life. Example: Your parents buy you a puppy; cry because eventually it will die, along with your black heart.
7. Buttons, patches, safety pins and badges are your friends.
8. Hide your love for everything. Love makes you sad. Yes it does.
9. Cut. But remember to go across the wrist, not down it. You’re just acting depressed, you don’t fully intend on killing yourself. And if you get a paper cut, don’t hesitate to be over dramatic about it. People will react to your pain and suffering with attention, and that’s what you want.
10. Cry cry cry. Cry over everything. A duck crosses the street, cry. Make an elaborate story on how it ran away from it’s demanding parents. Make it seem like you were comparing the duck to yourself even though your parents love and dote upon you often.
11. Write poetry about your “horrible” life. Be sure to show this poetry to everyone, tell them you hate it even if you seem egger to show everyone. Cry if they don’t like it. Or if they do.
12. Do not show any sort of school spirit. School spirit means your part of a group of people who possibly rely on you. That’s way too much pressure for you. Besides, you must think that your school sucks. It’s the downside.
13. Don’t smile. It signifies happiness.
14. Go to the school therapist daily. Break down crying because a girl in the hall way looked at you in the wrong way.
15. Write depressing posts on LiveJournal, Blogger, or Myspace. This will show the world you need to be treated better so that you will not be depressed.
16. When the doctor’s put you on anti-depressants, try to OD.
17. Plan your own death and write several suicide notes. Leave them in obvious places so that plenty of people can “stop you”.
18. Stop doing your homework. The sudden drop in performance in school will clue in anyone who hasn’t caught previous clues that you need love and attention. Who cares if this jeopardizes your future, you planned on dying before you passed high school anyways.
19. Constantly criticize yourself and put yourself down. After all, you think the world would be a better place without you.
20. Complain about insomnia constantly. Or if staying up isn’t for you, spend all of your time sleeping. A sign of depression is over sleeping or under sleeping.
21. Refuse to make eye contact with people. And look down when you’re walking. (Remember to know of your surroundings and know where people are by the position of their feet. You don’t need to be clumsy.)
22. Keep razor blades all over your room.
23. Wear tons of bracelets. With colorful beads.
24. Hello Kitty is your idol. She never smiles, and she also reminds you of your youth when you were happy.
25. Switch up your clothes, wear bright colors sometimes and tacky animal print. This draws attention to you and distinguishes you from being a Goth.
26. Cover one eye. Most commonly done with hair, depth perception makes the world a happier place. You are not allowed to have that. (Pirates were the first hard core Emos. Eye patches.)
27. Refer to everything as “Hard Core”.
28. You can’t admit to being an Emo. Then everyone just thinks you’re a poser and immediately stops paying attention to you.
29. Two words: Straight Edge.
30. Its okay to dress like you’re colorblind, or your five years of age.
31. Spend most of your time at home, or at the mall if home is too much to take.
32. Deem Hot Topic as your favorite store ever.
33. Make friends with the people who make the most drama, then you can have new things to complain about.
34. Invader Zim and other pointless cartoons are the only thing you'll admit to watching.
35. Think plastic rimmed rectangular glasses. (Even if you have perfect vision, the lenses are not necessary, but the rims are.) If you’re going all out, break the glasses at the bridge and tape them back.
36. All of your guy friends are allowed to borrow your clothes, no matter how tight or the color of the clothing.
37. Ohio is for lovers.
38. Everyone that looks like you is an obvious poser.
39. Complain about posers or any other inconvenience in your life on multiple Myspace bulletins. The more bulletins the more chances for people to feel sorry for you.
40. Big sunglasses that cover most of your face are an ultimate must when going anywhere, no matter what the weather is. Or if it’s night.
41. There is no such thing as bad attention. Whore it up.
42. Stars and broken hearts are the only thing you’re allowed to draw.
43. No watching the news. That’s taking an interest in something, and possibly thinking about other people than yourself.
44. Wear multiple belts, studded and seatbelt buckle latches are preferred. Note that the belt does not have to hold up your pants.
45. Be a vegan without the activism.
46. Get a mean cat. If everything gets to be too much you can blame the cuts on your arm on the cat. (Also a good way to cut yourself if you find picking up a razor too much of a hassle) Another plus is that you can complain about another living organism refusing to love you. Allergic to cats? Complain about your hives and closed up throat.
47. If you’re really into it, join a cult. Or start one yourself. If you’re lucky they will have a group suicide you can join.
48. If you’re not into the cutting the wrists. Cut other places if you seek attention from everyone but your parents. Or if you can’t stand blood, claim you cut to everyone and wince when they hug you, making them think you cut your stomach.
49. Contradict anything your parents say. It's impossible for them to understand your dark twisted soul.
50. If you’re losing an argument with someone just stop and tell them they don’t understand your pain.
51. You know what? No one understands you period.
52. Look at yourself in the mirror daily and remind yourself of everything you hate about yourself.
53. Refuse to accept any compliments and remind people that they don’t love you. This will make them try harder, and after awhile they’ll give up and quit. This will give you sorrow for more poems and rants.
54. If you’re really Emo you know that My Chemical Romance isn’t.
55. Sarcasm is the only type of humor you’re allowed to use. Remember to use it horribly so that if someone thinks you’re being sincere you can tell them that they don’t understand.
56. Don’t buy an iPod, that’s too mainstream for you.
57. Old school Nintendo and Sega are you’re all time favorite past time.
58. Scene kids are your enemies, and no, Scene and Emo are not one in the same.
59. Religion is not allowed because that is again showing interest in something. It also makes you seem like you believe life will get better, and that some higher being loves you.
60. Music is your only love. The lyrics of the depressing songs you listen to show you that life really is a cruel place.
61. Learn how to play an instrument and make yourself a garage band. (Make sure you teach yourself. The sounds you produce should not sound like music.)
62. If you get a significant other become overly clingy and needy to drive them away. Later you can poorly write a song about your dark abyss of a heart.
63. Ambulances are cool.
64. Piercing your own lip is hard core.
65. Valentine’s Day is an excuse to be extra bitter.
66. Make your own MySpace layout. Make it very colorful and flashy. If you can induce seizures, mission accomplished.
67. Make sure all of your MySpace pictures consist of yourself in various obscure angles and that at least one of the pictures is of any self mutilation so the world can see your pain. Don’t forget to take all of the pictures yourself; we need to see that “can-see-your-arm-leading-to-the-camera-picture-whore-style”.
68. Photoshop everything. It’s great to have a picture that no one can longer make out the original subject matter.
69. When in any group activities sulk in corners. If possible force yourself to cry, and try to do it loudly so that everyone knows you’re upset.
70. If you’re out of things to complain about, make up a friend that died. (Leave out the detail that this friend is imaginary.)
71. Burst into tears at random times, especially when coming close to being happy.
72. Try to warn others of the cruel dark world.
73. When you get to the age to move out- don’t. Live with your parents as long as possible. You don’t want to be tossed into the outside world.
74. Your main goal is to just exist… And to annoy as many people as possible.
75. Scarves are your best friend. Do not leave without your scarf even if it is over 100 degrees outside.
76. Hang out at hole in the wall places that no one else has ever heard of. Everything else is too mainstream.
77. Become fluent in internet speech. And say “Oh em gee” and “El oh el” instead of showing actual emotion.
78. Everyone is oppressing you.
79. Become aware of all local bands that no one has ever heard of. Remember to never listen to the radio. That’s too mainstream, too. Instead, burn yourself CD’s, or better yet, Mix Tapes.
80. Buy the most fragile cell phone you can find. When it breaks you can write a song about it. Idea: “The cell phone that was fragile like my heart.”
81. Everything you own must be covered in song lyrics.
82. You have to own at least one pair of Vans or Converse. Don’t forget to cover them with lyrics.
83. The only celebrity crush you can have is Pete Wentz.
84. Your ideal guy is scrawny and pale. Possibly a Skater/Emo boy.
85. Your boyfriend should have longer hair than you.
86. Every piece of clothing should have a skull on it.
87. If you can’t find what you want at thrift stores, make your own clothes. Don’t worry if you can’t sew, it’ll make it look more original.
88. Get all instant messengers and make sure your screen name is full of x’s. (Example: xXxLostSoulxXx)
89. Constantly flip your hair out of your eyes only to place it back over one eye. (This will also annoy the hell out of teachers that want you to make eye contact with them)
90. Sharpies can be used for anything. Always have 4 or 5 with you.
91. When standing use bad posture. Hunch over and cross your arms.
92. It’s not “pink” it’s “Hot pink”.
93. None of your friends are allowed to see your natural hair color. Black and super blonde hair dye is preferred. Mix it up and put some sort of neon highlights in it.
94. Steal necklaces from your grandmother. The type of fake pearls that are long enough to go to your waist are best.
95. Arm warmers. Enough said.
96. Your favorite book must be Catcher in the Rye.
97. You must try to cover as much skin on your body as possible. And layers are a good thing.
98. A good majority of your shirts must be of old cartoons that no one remembers or bands. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know most of them.
99. The more clown like your make-up looks the more Emo you are.
100. Anything not covered in lyrics must be covered in duct tape. Then Sharpie lyrics onto the duct tape.

Disclaimer: All of the above is based off of stereotypes. This is not meant to offend anyone, just for fun. If you it bugs you that much leave me an angry comment.