DAYYYY 26

HEY guess what, its me again! who else? ANYWAYS i had a really... odd dream last night
okie so here it goes
im at school, yaw its green mountain, but for some odd reason it has balconys o_O; and i have an off hour, weird, anyways im out on one of the balconies and im reading a book and hiding, because the school is split into two groups, the edges and X's, im part of the x's group, the edges have almost complete power over the school and were running it much like a dictatorship, the edges kill anyone and everyone who makes them the slightest mad or gets in their way, well im sitting there on the balcony, i put down the book im reading and look around at the view, then i hear someone running towards me, i look over scared to death then i realize its austin, he tells me the edges are coming, and runs off, i pick up my stuff hurriedly and start to run but im tackled, i start to scream and someone covers my mouth, he tells me to be quiet and helps me up, with his hand still over my mouthhe leads me backwards into a dark area and some edges pass by, he asked me if i was going to scream if he took his hand off my mouth, i nodded and he took it off, and i stood in silence, he said "i bet your wondering why i helped you, well im starting a rebellion, and id like you to join me" i asked what his catch was, and he said none, but i might be killed, then suddenly there was a gun shot behind us, i jumped and ran, the guy grabbed me and jumped off the side the of the balcony clinging to mewhen we fell i hit my head and some other x's had seem me fall and brought me to the nurse, she bandaged my head and i walked out to the commons, i started up the stairs and someone yelled "THERE SHE IS!" i looked behind me and see some edges heading toward me, i start running up the stairs and i see trevor going the same way, i yell at him to run i get up to the geography hall and hear gun shots, and i start crying because i thought they had caught him, then i see him at the top of the stairs, he falls to his knees and then to the ground, i go to the ground and loom over his body before hugging him tight, then he sits up, and slits his own throat, and im dragged off by some egdes to go to french class, and for some reason the teacher was getting a new room soon and amy gave her a plant, then some edges came into the classroom, whispered to each other and pointed at me and they carryed me out of the room and shoved me into a closet, i sat on the floor in the dark and curled into a ball and thats about when i woke up o_o;

Day 25 T_T

its christmas time once again

RECAPS! WHOO!
the other day my grandma and grandpa were going to come over, we had bets on if grandma was going to come, and we all won, because she never came, grandpa did though and cassie and i got our money like every other year, what else can we expect? its not like he hangs around us enough to have the slightest idea of what we like, but money is good anyways, because dad says that with my fifty bucks mom and dad can kick in some money and i can get myself a tablet
so yeasterday i went to my aunts house as the whole annual christmas eve party, cassie (my sister) couldnt go because she had to work, tracey (my... cousin in-law?) couldnt go cause he was sick, which was why there were no fights, (the football game, traceys a raiders fan in a family of bronco fans) and mark (my uncle) was sick so because of that my aunt charlie went home early, so justin (cassies friend aka brudder) josh and cole (my nephews) my aunt cindy and uncle larry (duh their house) my cousins stacey, andrew and samantha, and danny and his friend scott, my brother shannon, my sister krista and my... brother in law? doc were the only ones there, well and including me, and my mom and dad
while most of the grownups talked, (excluding shannon cause he acts just like a kid) josh and cole had fun bugging me, and justin joined in the fun too, i had to been sat on more than 20 times, and at one time i had three people sitting on me, i was jumped on, hit, kicked, smacked on the butt by my nephew josh, i almost tackled cole because he kept trying to get riley (the dog) to jump on me when i was trying to sleep, i was poked more than enough times, i was elbowed in the chest, and nobody listened when i said stop it, so after while i was pretty testy, we ate, i spilled justins crab soup or whatever on accident because he wouldnt stop boucing on my lap, we played the white elphant game, scott went home with my candle holder, around 7 we left, got home around 7:40

TODAY! well not much has happened its only 7 till nine, so cass woke me up, she said she had already made coffee for mom and dad, we waited and waited and waited, then finally mom and dad got out of bed, we opened gifts, so far i got:
a touchscreen phone

a bunch of earrings andhair things

candy

...like an mp3 player that seems alot like a PSP

printer paper fabric stuff (mom says then trevor can have a pillow with my face on it, i just find that alittle creepy)

sewing machine

sewing box with thread and gift card

madagascar

another movie i cant remember the name of...
two pairs of socks

cat ears

stuffed animal

more candy

roses

a ring

another pair of socks

some bath stuff

some lip stuff

some other stuff like that

popcorn

coke

digipet

cookie mix

...and i think thats it... for now anyways

Man, I'm more of a girl than I ever thought I was. (Day 20... I think...)

KAY! soooo, aside from me OBVIOUSLY being a girl and all that, i was meaning personality wise anyways, mostly cause whooo i got flowers today from trevor, and i got all excited and stuff and giddy... XD i almost jumpped on him right there XD but seeing as i had a full backpack and he was holding stoof i decided not to XD... WOW i SO had more to say... oh well

Day 18?

a week till christmas, two or three days till break, and i still feel like theres more this semester

have any of you gone to a website so many times that when you want to go to another website you instintivly type in the one you always go to? i just did that >.> i went back to deviantart instead of here XD

does anyone actually READ my blog anymore? i mean honestly, its cool and all to have a sense of security of what i say if NO ONE reads it, but when i talk about soemthing i said in my blog and no one has read it, i just wasted my breath ANYWAYS!

yesterday i was gonna go hang out with trevor or something, same with the night before only we were gonna see chronicals of narnia, both times didnt work... so yesterday i layed in bed until i couldnt take it anymore and called up all my friends to see if ANYONE wanted to go to the mall, all of them said they couldnt, cept mary who said she might after she finished dying her hair, well ellie called back and said shed meet me there, so i woke mom up and we drove to the mills, first store we go into was hottopic, inwhich we found leah, one of the people i called but never picked up, we hung out with her awhile by the dressing rooms cause she was trying something on, then we left and walked around for awhile, and since i bought cassies birthday present in hottopic i was then... totally broke cept for one dollar, so i just followed ellie her having money and such, around i think five thirty we went home, and they were nice enough to give me a ride home ^___^ got home and was just intime for breakfast for dinner, aka the same thing ive eatten for the last three or four meals XD i askd if anyone called and only trevor did, so i called him back and then i ate my dinner all fast like, changed pants and then waited to be picked up by trevors family, as soon as mom said "well youve got time to make my cappicino now" the doorbell rang XD so i grabbed my shoes and went out the door to his church event, which i found amusing, especially the little kids, wished i was a little kid again... then after that went to trevors and helped wrap gifts, then went home... I KNOWS WHAT LANA MITCH JARED AND ELLIE GOOTTT >.> came home... chared trevors ipod, went on the computer, made a wishlist on hottopic, and did the dishes, then fell asleep around two listening to said ipod

Day 12?

ANYWAYS whoo my hair is all cut and 52 people have commented on it so far XDXD AND erm erm... OHYEA so wouldnt you feel alittle weird if yer sisters (if you had one) friend said that you were easier to hang out with than yer sister? okie! so today justin was over, and after he helped me with my homework he said something about how he gets along better with me than cassie, i told mom about it and she said that thats proof that cassie has an attitude problem, mom just hasnt found a nice way of pointing it out to cassie SO ITS NOT JUST MY FAULT CASSIE AND I GET INTO FIGHTS, that makes me feel alittle bit better anyways... almost bedtime.. so BAI

Day six ;-; (confessions)

well i got a bulliten on myspace and it was where you put down one of your secrects, only on a random number so it would still be secret, well that got me thinking about all my secrets, and since i cant really do the same thing on here im going to do something different, this will be a list of secrets, truths and lies, lets see if you know me well enough to figure out which is which

i like fighting with my sister

i started cutting to freak out my friends who were also cutters so they would stop but i got addicted

when i was little i used to sleep on my stomach but now its impossible for me to get confortable like that

i hate food

when i get bored i end up going to the kitchen to eat

ive read anime porn

i get parnoid that people are going to leave me if i walk infront of them

i used to never wear jelery because it annoyed the hell out of me and now i wont take it off even when i shower

i like pain

i used to love snow and i used to lay outide for hours listening to nothing

i love being alone

i get paranoid if im suppose to meet someone somewhere and i get there before they do

when i was little almost all my imaginary games had to do with me being hated by someone

i never really had an imaginary friend

when on long car trips i look out the window and immagine a guy trying to chase after the car, he usually ends up triping over the lightpoles

i like having my music so loud i cant hear myself sing

when listening to music and im alone i sing and dance like theres no tomorrow

i feel bad whenever i eat more at other peoples houses than i do at my own

ive tried to starve myself to get skinner

i dont like how much i express myself

i feel like when i express myself im limiting my crativity

i secretly think i am pretty

ive never masturbated in my life

i learned most of what i know from cassie

i want him to break up with me so he can go and find someone better

i think it would be easier if people hated me

the only place i get upset if i dont know the time is in my room

i follow people because i dont want to be made fun of if i make a mistake

i hate when people ask me how i am

i was normal as a small child, i just got odder with every year

my room is so colorful and such because of my mom, when i wanted to put my drawings on the walls of the house she said i couldnt because those were her walls, so i went to my room and asked if they were my walls, and ive been decorating them since

i love the rain

i dont like people worrying about me

i love my brother because i dont get picked on by cassie when im around him

i hate pictures of myself

i love taking pictures of my friends

i wish i could fit in

i copy other peoples drawing styles so maybe i can become better

i hate my breasts and find they just get in my way when im trying to eat roman

i love sleeping because thats where i can get away from the world

i only like school now because i get to see trevor

ive always hated running ever since a cross country race in... i think 3rd grade when i came in last (64th) in a race of all girls AND i skipped half the course because the boys race had to begin

after that race i was crying so hard after most of the boys had started yelling at me and most of the girls gave me their water bottles so id stop shaking so much

when i cry really hard i have to say things between grasps of breath and i shake so much that people have thought i was having spasms

i hate quiet, if im alone and its quiet now i end up talking to myself without realizing ive started

my nephews have always favored cassie over me, and only recently started liking me some because cassie was consumed with the computer and i was the only one to play with

i had a fight with a kid in elementary school on whos life was worse, i won

i wish i was a girly girl

i wish i liked wearing dresses

i name things because they woint leave me

i hate change

hugs used to freak me out

i like how blood tastes

i wonder if i really make him happy constently

my mom had to force me to wear a bra in forth grade

i ended up getting my period before i even had the "growing and changing" unit

i used to envy chelsea because she was a "late bloomer"

when i was alittle garret and i climbed the pine tress by the side of my house just to have dad come home and yell at us

garret asked me to marry him when we were little and cassie is trying to hold me to that

theres a picture i drew when i was little that is still on the back of my mom and dads door, and its about up to the doorknob and that was as high as i could reach then

i hate my legs

i wish i were taller

i like having hicups

i used to hug a pillow at night wishing it was someone to hold me

i love the smell of trevor so much that whenever he comes over and we spend time in my room i end up smelling whatever smells like him to get to sleep

i love trevor XDXD HAD TO PUT IT IN

i wish i was telepathic so i could tell what people were thinking

after so long of not seeing someone or talking to them i end up going back to amusing myself like i did before i was friends with them

people used to tell me all the time daniel had a crush on me and i didnt believe it until i found him lurking over me once when i was sleeping at their house on the livingroom couch, well that and one day at recess three people who had been talking with him at the tree came running down when i was going to the rock to see leah and they all told me he had confessed his love for me to them and begged them not to tell me

even though i found out that daniel had supposivly liked me i didnt act any different around him like i did other guys

i never believed trevor had been flirting with me

i never notice when im flirtingg

sarah and i make a very seductive couple

i like watching people

i care greatly on how i look

i dont like how people get jelous of me

i love to laugh, even if its at my own laugh

i love peoples voices, which is one of the reasons i like talking on the phone

i was scared to death during my stay at childrens hospital for my open heart surgery

i love my middle name, whic gives me a facination with others middle names

WELL! im done for awhile, it was long anyways i have a bunch more XDXD BAIII ohyaw and if any of you ask which ones are true or false im not going to tell you

Day four ;-;

well today i went to kristens to finish our project, ate some sugar toast before we left ^_^ got our project done in about 3 hours with much distractions... and she has alot of siblings o_o; and i found that one of em was a kid i freaked out last year XDXD THIS KID XD i was in signlanguage and he was in the back of the classroom then i randonly went back with my camera, asked his name which was jacob and took his picture, i didnt hug him because i didnt want to freak him out too much, but he came into kristens room today and he was like "oh ive met you before!" and i got really confused and i was like "um... really?" and he said "yea you were in signlanguage club right?" and i realized it was him and i was like "OHYEA I REMEMBER YOU! YOUR THE SEVIE I FREAKED OUT! HAI!" then he walked off, we got done around 2 and printed it out, nate jappy (spelling?)had gone over to her house while we were in the middle of writing, when we were done, we played spoons with nate and one of kristens other brothers alex, and nate was so slow XD then we played bs and after a game of that we went downstairs and played ping pong basically until i went home... and MAN do i suck, i couldnt hit the ball more than twice in a row, then we ended up wresleing around for the pingpong balls because nate kept stealing them from jacob, then we all got yelled at ^^;;;; then mom came and picked me up, i came home and sean and i played backgommon and we all ate pizza, then they went home and here i am whooooo

Whoo for being socially unacceptable

have you guys noticed that my mood changes rapidly, last post was all happy and this ones going to be probably pretty depressing, SO! for those of you who dont watch me on dA heres what my journal was (so copied)
OKIE remember that one journal i had about being pulled over by the cops while i was in the car with my sister cassie and her friend justin? WELLLL! justins car was stolen last night, he reported it stolen and found it a couple blocks from his house, two windows broken (so when justin came to pick up me and daniel from school we had to sit on a blanket because glass was all over the seats) they stole his speakers, basically his whole sound system is gone, they stole his tools his laptop, and even the spare change! not only that, but now he has to start his car with plyers

in other news! trevor is now grounded, for coming over to my house last night to help me make a bouche de noel for french today NOT ONLY DID HE HELP ME MAKE FRENCH FOOD FOR LIKE 3 HOURS! when we were waiting for things justin picked me up and swung me over his shoulder and told trevor to have at me, trevor tickled my sides, i kicked hurt him like 50 times more than hes ever hurt me by kicking him in the pants e_e; but by my kicking justin lost his balence, i ended up hitting HIM here too, and i fell on my back on the floor, so i hurt too guys and myself, great night eh? and after all of that and trevor went home and cassie and justin went out, i had to do my homework, and by then not only was i mad beyond reson but i got so freakin mad at my map i went to bed early and got up early to finish it, great day eh?

and not only that has got me down, but i keep being reminded of things in my past which get me depressed anyways, so really if you want me to stay happy never say any variation of "i wouldnt think less of you" bad memories okie? e_e; which is how i got all non talkitive and go back into my shell quiet at lunch today if any of you were wondering, trevor said "i dont think any less of you" i remembered, and thus retracted my voice

have you noticed a lot of people will change music according to their mood? well for me ill listen to anything that sparks my interest, until i get upset, then i end up listening to loud songs just so i dont have to listen to gem or caroline and this is the song im probably going to be listening to for awhile



Mindless Self Indulgence - Straight To Video Lyrics

All aboard
Hit the road
All the bullshit
Can't be ignored

It's hard to place
In my face
No emotion

All the problems
Make me wanna go
Like a bad girl
Straight to video

Little darling
Welcome to the show
You're a failure
Played in stereo

Hiedi ho
Here we go
No solution
Strong undertow

Quite unfair
Quite a pair
No box office

All the problems
Make me wanna go
Like a bad girl
Straight to video

Little darling
Welcome to the show
You're a failure
Played in stereo

I never noticed
No, never noticed
You're so amazing
So amazing

I never noticed
No, never noticed
You're so amazing
So amazing

All aboard
Hit the road
All aboard
Here we go

All the problems
Make me wanna go
Like a bad girl
Straight to video

Little darling
Welcome to the show
You're a failure
Played in stereo

I never noticed
No, never noticed
You're so amazing
So amazing

I said it
No, never said
You're suffocating
Suffocating

I never noticed
No, never noticed
You're beauty's fading
Fading


its a good song... so is unsociable

Mindless Self Indulgence Unsociable Lyrics

I've never had too much
I've never had to lie
I've never had to sacrifice
my life

I've never had too much
I've never had to lie
I've never had to sacrifice
my life

One of these shapes is not like the others

I'm Socially Unacceptable, Unexceptional, Unsociable, (x4)

not like the others
one of these shapes is not like the others
one of these shapes is

I've never had too much
I've never had to lie
I've never had to sacrifice
my life

one of these shapes is not like the others

I'm Socially Unacceptable, Unexceptional, Unsociable, (x4)

not like the others
one of these shapes is not like the others
one of these shapes

one of these shapes is not like the others
I'm Socially Unacceptable, Unexceptional, Unsociable, (x4)

not like the others
one of these shapes is not like the others
one of these shapes


anyways, im probably going to be pretty quiet for awhile, consitering trevors grounding... for some odd reason my parents think its a great idea to make a sympathetic grounding for me, i thought it was a joke but i think theyre serious o_O;;;but besides that i miss trevor.. e_e
CURSE MY ATTACHMENT TO PEOPLE
someone shoot me?

space

space

space

WASTE!

anyways... im so done...