Gosh. Boys suck.

SO I was way too enthusiastic about having a boyfriend. Because I'm pretty sure I'm without now. Rumors say he can't get past just seeing me as like a sister. This happens to me a lot. What the hell makes me so sisterly? Erg. So I was pretty depressed all day. And my hiding it went horribly wrong. I have no idea where Bryan and I stand right now. He's still lingering on the hope he will be able to date Ariel or Kelsey. I'm lingering on the hope that he'll love me and I'll make him happy. Kelsey says I should probably drop all hope of that. But, honestly, I've tried. It's hard though. He's the closest thing I have to a best friend. No one else is around nearly as much. If I stop talking to him then I'm practically alone again. If I keep talking to him it hurts because I know I care about him so much. It's hard, but I think what's going to end up happening is we're going to be like "Yup, we're better off as friends." I'll hide all feelings of more-than-friendness from him. He'll get a girlfriend or something, I'll cry. I'll act fine, and everything will be dandy because we'l just be friends. Two flaws in that though. I'll constantly be hurting. And he's fucking good at knowing when I'm upset. I could disappear. Major flaws with that plan. I love people too much. Namely, my friends. All of them. If I disappeared it wouldn't last long because I'd be too lonely. I don't know. Maybe I should just end al of his confusion myself, because it's going to start hurting him too. I'm not sure I can really get anymore hurt right now.