Not even five days.

Steven broke up with me this morning. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I can understand that. I think. I'm just not sure how I feel about it or if I believe that was the reason. I knew it was going to happen. Just a couple moments from when I got into the car. I knew he had something on his mind, and something he wanted to say. Doesn't take a genius to expect what was going to happen. I feel like I should be angry, like I should be sad, like I should feel something. But I don't. I can't get mad at him, he did nothing wrong. He didn't want to hurt me or anything. He did what he felt needed to be done. I'd rather him be happy anyways. I don't know. I felt more for Steven than I have for any other crush I've had. I don't know. Everything seemed to be going well in my life for a bit. At least I can thank him for that.

I cried today. Twice. Once while in a tree. And once out of sheer randomness when Kelsey poked my cleavage. Yesterday I cried. All of which I had no reason for crying. And every time I tried to take deep breaths to calm down I'd hyperventilate. As soon as I'd get my breathing stead it'd speed up uncontrollably and I'd feel worse. I really just want these mood swings to be over. Every time I start crying, just listening to myself is pathetic. All I can think is "Why the hell am I crying? There's nothing wrong. Stop it Angie. Stop crying. There's no reason for it." But I can't stop it. It confuses the hell out of my friends. Steven blamed himself for my crying today, well the one he knew about anyways. Yesterday when I was crying Bryan asked me what was wrong and I said absolutely nothing, to which he said, "That was the worst concocted lie ever."
Today. I saw Bryan cry. He feels like he's losing Ariel. It's the second time I've ever seen ters roll down his cheek. But the fourth time I've been there while he's been crying. Two times because of me, and two times because of Ariel. Sometimes.. Ariel just ticks me off to no end. Bryan tries so hard and she treats him like crap. But at the same time, he makes me mad for trying so hard when Ariel obviously wants him to back off. It's a group effort and they both kinda suck.
Gareth kept trying to get me to stop picking at th sides of my nails. I ended up wearing seven bandaids for the nine of the cuts on my fingers.
Kelsey kept chewing on plastic and ended up swallowing a piece or more.

Plus side. I'm getting only ankle deep in drama instead of drowning in it like I used to. I hugged Bryan, wiped away his tears with my sleeve, and told him I was there for him. I don't feel much about the break up that happened this morning. And that's about all that's going on.

I want to see Disturbia. Someone should go see it with me.
Day of Silence is this Wednesday. (April 18th)