Why do you build me up Buttercup, Baby? Just to let me down.

So it's been going around my friends. Making a list of ten things you wouldn't tell people you know to their face or something. Mine? Not really incriminating. But Kelsey got it and showed it around I guess and everyone thought one of them was about Bryan when I didn't even put one for him on there. I started one for him but then stopped and decided to just put whatever I was going to write there in his yearbook. Nothing too bad you know? Well, Bryan made one, I figured out which number I was and it said, "where do I start on this one your one of the two people that I actually trust you've always been there for me I hurt you I dunno if you still have feelings for me but I think I have some for you but I know im just gonna end up hurting you again I know it you're a true friend and I appreciate your love and loyalty I thank you" I finally start convincing him I'm good with friends and he goes and thinks he has feelings for me. So I start talking to him about it, but he had to get offline before much talking happened. Mostly I just pointed out how much his feelings towards me change. Later. Text.
Him: Sorry our online convo got cut short
Me: Dont be sorry
Him: I am and im sorry that my feelings keep changing
Me: Dont be.
Him: Too late
Me: Its nothing to fret over and certainly nothing to be sorry for
Him: Still...
Me: Still what?
Him: I wish i knew how u felt hell i wish i knew how i felt
Me: Why?
Him: Cuz
Me: Because why?
Him: Um i curious
Me: Theres more to that- i can tell
Him: Cuz mabey depending on ur answers......
Me: Depending on my answers what? Youll consiter going out with me until something better comes along? (...Yes. I'm a bit bitter about it happening twice.)
Him: Im not gonna do that to u again
Me: How can i be sure of that?
Him: U cant be sure but i give u my word
Me: Are you really sure you want to try this again?
Him: No im not sure yet and i dont even know if u have feelings for me
Me: Why have you even been thinking about this?
Him: Cuz... I dunno... I just have...

I didn't really have a reply to that. You know? I mean he has been acting more.. Affectionate towards me lately. But I bet he'd ditch me for Ariel again in a second. Kelsey said something like she asked him the other day if he'd ever go out with me again, and he said something like "In a heartbeat". I can't help but feel that he probably doesn't like me actually. But he just thinks he does.

Then the other day he 'tested' me. Faked a situation to see how I'd react and if I was a 'true friend'. I don't like the idea of someone judging me on how well I can deal with things, and that's what they base a friendship off of. It makes me feel paranoid, that at any moment he could be making things up to see what I'll do. I don't like that feeling at all. He said I passed though, yay I guess. Then he said I failed a previous test, but wouldn't tell me what it was. Thanks. I'm being judged and now I can't even fix or defend my actions because he won't tell me why I failed. Failed? Failure friend.

In a side note. I hate peeing in cups.