people passing out=bad? who knew *obvious sarcasm*

SO, you know what i find sad? the girl that made my life hell through 8th grade, the one who made fun of me because i was different, has no idea what the hell my name is, ive only been in the same school as her for how many years? for those of you who dont know who im talking about its jessica, miss full of herself, i mean really, yesterday in science she decided she wanted to pass out papers, she had to call my name out, how freakin sad is that? she picked me out last year to make fun of me and now she doesnt know my name, but it did trigger a compliament towards me from micheal, he said my

goggles were kick ass
in other news, i hink im getting sick, you know that feeling in your throat and you just know the next day youll be sick? thats how ive been feeling all day, that and i about coughed up blood today

other other news, i went to fujis today during lunch, i got to hold pixie their new dog, i wanted to conceal it in my sweater and run, the dog actually liked me too, or atleast tolerated me, it kept growling at missy

anyways, my thinking too much has returned... so you know i shall return with more rants

*sigh*

people worry me alot... mainly my friends, i care about them so much... fuck, im crying

Here you go, your baby is a perfect sphere.

so tonight i went to ellies house to do my cultural project for french, we watched a french movie, and it was almost sad how much fun we were having with such a depressing movie, now i would go on to tell about this wonderous night of foot orgys, but i think id get mauled by someone, most likely amy, and really she hits hard, so anyways imma rant, just because i can, and i cant be spoken over, which is exactly what my rant is about, so yes i do like haning out with my friends in large groups, aside from the fact that there are so many inside jokes i seem to be left out of, its really fun, up until i try to say something, i dont know why but people will listen to me for a couple seconds then someone else will start talking and all attention goes to them, i mean i really wonder if im that soft spoken, because i thought i was pretty loud, and yea okay it does hurt, but what can i do? ellie suggested me just saying shut up and tell the rest of my story, but when i tell people to shut up they get irritated with me and rather not listen to me at all, or just start laughing and "fine you dont get to hear my story" goes absolutly no where, maybe people just dont like my stories, which i guess would confirm that i am infact not funny, and i mean i do want to contibute to the conversation but after so many times of being spoken over i give up, so if any of you see me randomly start to isolate myself and stop talking during a group outting, its probably because no one would listen to me, and i mean its not like it just happens sometimes, but all the time, even when im talking with one person, theyll go off on a rant in the middle of my sentence, and ill stop talking and listen, maybe its my fault, im not assertive enough or something, and sometimes i just give up before the conversations starts because i know i wont be heard, which is okay i guess, i do like listening to all the stupid crazy stuff my friends come up with, so anyways, end of rant now, imma go photoshop and or watch foamy ^_^

wanna buy a phillip? a what... a phillip... is it black? WHAT!NO ITS NOT PINK YOU WHORE!

SOOOOO! yesterday! i spent from the time i got home from school till... 5 i think to take pictures at belmare, then i spent till bedtime cleaning my room, OMGITSCLEAN anyways, last night and the other couples nights ive been... sleeping weird i guess? i dont know, i keep waking up at random times and it feels like ive been sleeping for hours but its only been 20 minutes, its weird... very fufilling though, anyways, cassie was awake, and woke me up this morning, english we had disscussions the whole period, government erin and i made up a scenario, and man it was fun X3 she forgot it though so were doing it on tuesday, annnnd... lunch phillip monika laurel and erin and i all played the you wanna buy a duck game X3 like all of lunch too, then when the bell rang phillip grabbed my soda and ran off with it T_T i chased him and almost killed myself trying to jump on him, (he stuck his foot out and i tripped) and i didnt gte it back till math started... then he stole it back and i didnt get it back till i stole his book, and then i almost didnt get it back, photography i developed film then i drew on the chalk board and we had a sub, omg she was so nice and she had the coolest accent ^____^ and gosh... ivy is so nice, its just like zomigawdooze, i mean seriously, she let me listen to her ipod, and man if i ever need a confidience boost i let her see my pictures o_o; shes such a good photographer and she loves it i know it, but shes always so down on herself, and shes sooooo good, and well after that i found lana and stuff and me her and jared walked down a couple streets found jareds mom and she drove us the rest of the way XD its funny how normal conversations with lana and jared can turn so odd so fastanyways at lanas we did our french thing which i needto memorize, and every time i saw joey id go "ITSS YOOOOOOU" then id pet him and id say "ILOVEYOOOOOU" and hed run off as soon as he heard i love you so it went like "ITSJOEY! i loveee yooooooouuu.... come backkkkk!" so anyways now i have sims 2 and im going to whore it to no end... or atleast till i get fed up with the sims not doing what i want or them piddling on the floor

I miss one day of school... ONE DAY

so alas friday i was sick from school, i missed three tests, first period (english) i was just bored beyond comprihension, you know why? because the WHOLE period all we were doing was talking about the homework project we got on friday and did over the weekend, second period (studyhall) i got lost, out whole small feild trip to the new study hall on thurday last week did me no good, consitering they showed me the wrong room, i wasnt there long, for i had to go to science to make up my science test (by then i had already done my missed french test... well all except the listening portion i get to do that tomorrow morning during access) 3rd period (gov.) my GOD i was basically just highlighting things ^_^; cause our class is already behind to begin with, ms clappham hopes me to have my rough draft of my constitution done by tomorrow, i dont think thats going to happen, lunch! finally! some time to relax, well kinda, there was alot of laughing with jared and almost choking on whatever i was eatting or drinking at the moment, and kicking joe ^_____^ i just find it fun to act like imma kick him and he immediately flinches and says hes wrong and sorry o_o; too bad that doesnt work on cassie, math, well confusion, and attempting to ignore chanler e_e he keeps asking me to draw him, but you know imma get yelled at while im trying to draw his pose since he sits BEHIND me -_-; french, we mostly just talked about lui and luer, photography, i bulk loaded and organized... i should shoot tonight but, there isnt much daylight left since i came home late, ill do it tomorrow, hopefully with a friend or something, anyways, after school i took my math test, omg HORRIBLEIDIDHORRIBLE i know it T_T none of the answers made sense one of the questions didnt make sense to me at all and i think it was worth like 8 points T_______T one of the calculater problems came out as error and i checked it three times... after that i went to the front of the school and talked to kelly, then she left along with some other people then i talked to nanet (i think thats how you spell it) jessica, and emily, we all kinda left at the same time, and i gave emily a ride home and when we were close to her house were like "OMGROUTTWAYWELIVEONTHATSTREETTHATISNTTHATSTREET" (theres two routt ways, and i found it odd that theyre both by seperate robbs, and theyre both seperate churches, and theyre both by seprate simmis, like they just decided to make some roads within walking distance with the same names, that dont connect, mom said they might have at one time, i started laughing that someone would just come along and go "HEY LETS BUILT OUR HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AND MAKE A COLDASAC!" X3 now im home, and listening to cassie go on to her friend jeremy about meth labs

TOMORROWS VALENTINES DAY! do you got your sweetheart? we all know trevors got his, its todd <3

hokay! so heyaws da erth

so, i like just back from the mall with justin cassie a guy named george, fun time, i saw 10 people i knew from school though, eight if you count people i can name so i saw kelly, joanna, emily, laura, and ashley, travis, jenny, and cj only two of them reacted to me at all, which were kelly and travis, kelly talked to me and travis gave me the peace sign, i think its kinda funny... how so many of my friends can go to the mall... and im left at home unless theyre in need of a ride, or i invite them to go with me... sad eh?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLIE!
even though thats on wednesday >.>

Error: Does not compute

so after a bit of confusion, on with the rant
valentines day- yippy yet another hoiliday, only this one isnt built around belief, but presents to show that "special someone" you "care" i mean how much thought does it take to BUY something for this holiday, theres things everywhere because its one of those stessfull holidays of "will they like my gift!?" only with a dash of "is my relationship going to come crashing down because she hates this type of chocolate?!" and oh the joy, when it does come crashing down and thats "special someone" finally tells you they were having an affair with the house keeper, whooo! now, i know this doesnt happen to every relationship, you see i used to like valentines day, up till whenever they stopped forcing us to bring valentines for all, then well its just another happy reminder your alone, youd think my attitude would change, seeing as this year is the first year i actually have a boyfriend, but really, i think its sad, companys explode with advertizements and those stress ridden couples go to them in their time of need, which is exactly why they jack up the prices and you end up spending over 40 bucks on a buch of flowers, (seriously, i saw a commercial today about some place that was selling flowers for that much, and it was mostly said because it reminded me of jared and the EXTREME rock paper scissors, because well... they kept saying EXTREME through the entire commetcial) ANYWAYS so, by the end of the holiday everyones broke, several relationships are in a wreak, and id really rather not have that happen to mine (he pays for enough stuff for me as it is >.> and wont take the money back either) i mean yea sure its nice to give and recive things but everyone says "its the thought that counts" and really, going to a store and buying some stuff doesnt take much thought i think, i mean hey, being as im broke that doesnt really matter to me cause i make most of my gifts anyways, but i realized how hard it was to get gifts for guys at christmas when buying for my nephews and trevor and andrew... although andrews the easiest, i mean hes... 3 or four i cant remember i mean get him a bob the builder poster, a slinky, and hes set for hours newphews are the second easiest, something to hurt something whooo theyre set for years, but anyways i degress, so im trying to buy in to all of this because i think it might be important for trevor and well, im not doing so well on thinking of a present, especially since whenever i start drawing i mess up, hate it and rip it out of my sketchbook, great eh?
on a slightly different subject, i was talking to liz and well, we both realized how horrible the world is, i mean how many girls are pregnant freshman at our school alone? seven or something? an then those ones that arent pregnant are bragging around to their buddies "oh hey you know that one guy, we fucked" now isnt that something to be proud of, getting knocked up before graduating, whooo, great story to tell your kids if they survive having a fourteen year old mom, lets see ya try to tell them how romantic the back seat of a car was, i mean hell even i have friends that have done it, and it makes me sad really

TOTALLYOFFTOPICNEWS! im off the myspace frenzie, deleting my account as i type this, my mom got all paranoid about pretitors, looked at my myspace then cassies, she made cassie change where she lives, cassie comes up stairs and yells at me for having my school on there, so rather than get anyone more upset, i just decided to delete it, not like people really talked to me on there anyways, myspace is overrated anyways

more offtopic news, im sick, yippy skippy im sick... acturally i wish i would have gone ot school today, i had three tests, i miessed vital information in government according to erin, and i missed the critquing in photography which was one of my favorite parts T_T now im gonna be slightly behind these next two weeks in photography consitering i dont have film or even know what the project is anyways, since no ones really online that wants to talk to me imma go back to my watching tv, baiiii

stab a knife in the back let the blood drip down...

do you all remember those little clapping games we all used to do in elementary school like miss mary mac, and dum dum day... dum dum dayyy dum dum alay alay, ce ce sayyy ce ce alay alay, mini mini echo mini mini alay alay, mini mini echo, mini mini alay alay, cocoa pie cocoa pie cocoa pie oh yes... who the hell came up with that? or miss susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell ding ding, miss susie went to heven the steamboat went to hell-oo operator please give me number nine and if you disconnect me ill kick you from be-hinnnnd the frigorator there was a piece of glass, miss susie sat upon it and broke her lieelt as-sk me no more questions tell me no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom zipping up- the flies are in the medow the bees are in the bark, miss susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the d-a-r-k d-a-r-k dark dark, darker than the ocean darker than the sea, darker than the fat boy chasing after me and well the rest after that gets alittle fuzzy, and then there was always the one we did at sleep overs (or atleast i did) crack and egg on the head let the yoke run down crack and egg on the head let the yoke run down, people are dying children are crying, stab a knife in the back let the blood drip down, stab a knife in the back let the blood drip down, people are dying children are crying, you know what? i miss that, i miss not having to worry... oh how i wish i was five agan... id do that surgery a thousand times over if the pain of emotions would stop

STOP SELLING MY FRIENDS HOUSES!

freakin hell, if i could remember what number i left off on id keep on counting, for those of you that are confused, i counted up all the friends who had left, whether it be from my switching schools, them moving, or something else, i got up to the forties, then it stopped for awhile and i stopped counting, i stopped worrying, i got more friends, established relationships, and forgot about the pain of someone leaving
then lee moved, i cried, i regretted not spending more time with her, i missed the old days in art with her me james and connor
james moved or is moving, and might be switching schools
lauras moving
i feel so left out and left behind, yes i was friends with laura, i still am i guess, but no matter how hard i try its like... she doesnt trust me, same with ashley, and mariah, between the three of them they keep so many secrets, mention a bit to me expecting me to know then yanking it away like theyre trying to tease me, they say "oh ill tell you later, i promise" it never happenes... im paient and everything, but im sick and tired of promises, kelly saying she promises as soon as shes ungrounded well hang out, weeks go by and nothing happens, i mention it to her again, she makes another promise, and yet another promise broken, this amung other things is why i hate people, i hate humans, they scare me to death quite honestly, i mean look at our world, people hurting each other left and right, there is almost nothing that you can say that wont offend someone, and people wonder why im quiet

speaking of offencive things, in one of my classes some people in my group were talking about cutting, if you know me well enough you know this is a soft spot for me, they start joking around, as if theyre the type of people that labels any sad looking kid as emo and yells at them to go home and slit their wrists, and you all wonder why someone would want to take their life, the mocking, the pressure all of us endure, especially at school, its a wonder more havent suceeded
have any of you taken a good look at the arms of the people in our school, most of them you can find several scars

yet again im back to only having fun in photography, my love, too bad i have a block, or maybe less of a block and more of i have a bunch of ideas, i just dont scratch that, cant put them on paper, no matter how hard i try
now you all have another taste of my life, its like a freaking baskinrobins