More than you needed to know about Angie

Ellie did it, and I think it's a good idea. Here's some things you may or may not have known about me.

1. If you're honest with me there's almost nothing you can say that will get me mad at you. As long as you're honest with me, I'm fine. Which is why I don't get too mad when it comes to break-ups.
2. I haven't had but a couple nightmares since I was about 10.
3. I'm terrified of losing my friends, but when they start drifting away I just sit around and watch and kick myself later for not trying to prevent it.
4. I hate tomatos and tomato soup, but I love tomato sause for pizza and Ketchup.
5. Most of the time when I'm with people I'm constantly replying to them in my head, so I don't notice when I'm quiet. I got into that habit when whenever I would speak up someone would talk over me.
6. I hate to think there's something wrong with me so when I'm depressed I try to ignore it. If I have a pain in my ribs, I ignore it.
7. I hate taking pills because I have a hard time getting them down. It's been a problem since I was really little and in the hospital. I'm also deeply afriad I'll get hooked on something and become a pill popper.
8. Sometimes, I just think about how it must be to hang around me. Me and my different moods. Sometimes I like the person I think everyone else sees, but not too often.
9. I get really weird about people who don't have their pockets tucked in. They normally freak out when I try to fix it.
10. I don't even know who I am anymore and it scares me. Not as much as it scares me to think about my future. I don't know what I want to do with my life and sometimes it make me cry.
11. I don't like how I look a lot, but I like having mirrors around.
12. I like photography because I like capturing moments in time.
13. My sleeping schedual has gone to hell since I moved my room downstairs. Most nights I only get about 4 or 5 hours and I function fine. The only reason why I sleep is everyone I talk to ends up going to bed and I get bored.
14. I get more hyper off of ice water than I do with soda.
15. I can be optimistic with everyone else and get them to cheer up but I'm in a constant battle on cheering myself up.
16. I've always really liked music. But I have to be doing something while listening to it.
17. I constantly have to be busy with something. Everytime I try to lay down and relax on a good day or something I can't do it because I get too jittery.
18. When I seem to be zoning out, most of the time I'm perfectally aware of the conversations going around me. Other times, I have too much stuff on my mind.
19. I can't stand greenbeans, but if they are served to me at a friend's house I will choke them down to be polite.
20. I've never liked mint, cinnimon, peppermint, spearmint, or anything like that. If I have to brush my teeth with toothpaste of those flavors I end up having to keep myself from gagging. Which was a real pain until they came out with Orange stuff.
21. I sleep on my side, kinda curled into a ball, but it hurts my hips. I can't normally fall asleep any other way though.
22. I love my middle name. May.
23. If I don't take a shower every night I feel dirty, and just don't want to be seen until I get my shower.
24. I would walk until my feet bleed to see one of my friends if they needed me.
25. I have about 7 clocks in my room because I get paranoid if I don't know what time it is. Yet I never wear a watch.
26. I like to make noise when I walk without actually talking. Hince the keychains on my backpack, noisey jewlery and what not.
27. I get tired of sitting in desks at school so if I can I sit on other desks, stand, or sit on the floor. If my desk is in the back of a room, I will more than likely stand. It confuses teachers for awhile.
28. When people ask me what's on my mind, I panic and instantly forget about what I was thinking.
29. I hate to inturupt people when they're talking.
30. I haven't gotten my permit yet because I'm scared of other people on the road.
31. If you talk to me in person there's a big doubt I'll actually tell you how I'm feeling because I'm programmed with the "How're you?" "I'm fine and you?"
32. Everything I make artisticly I'll love at first then hate over time. I don't know why.
33. Like Ellie, when I like a song, I'll listen to it over and over until I'm sick of it.
34. I constantly want to know what people's views are on things so I'll ask them why and how so, until they get annoyed with me.
35. When I get a new CD I listen to it and read the lyrics until I have them commited to memory. If I spent half as much energy on school work, I'd probably have A's.
36. If I use a standard alarm clock that beeps at me when it's time to wake up I eventually wake up 10 minutes before it should go off because I hate waking up suddenly.
37. I have amazingly slow reaction time. In science in 8th grade we had to do a lab to test our reaction time, and Lana was my partner. She had to drop a paper bat and I had to catch it as fast as I could. For the first probably 5 or so times I didn't catch the paper at all, and Lana had to ask Mr. R how we would record that on the table.
38. I can be very violent towards my guy friends, and my friends who make bad decisions (Like smoking, drinking, cutting, etc.) but I feel bad about hurting my friends later.
39. I don't hate individuals. I can hold grudges against people for months and months though.
40. I can't do a handstand worth crap. I normally end up over doing it, falling on my back and knocking the wind out of myself.
41. I'm a girlscout drop out. My girlscout troop just ate snacks every meeting and I got bored, so I left. After which they swam with dolphins.
42. I'mma big people pleaser.
43. I've collected really random things throughout my life. I used to collect sawdust when I was 7 or so. I collected rocks, but I didn't organize them or anything, just picked up random rocks and kept them in a plastic ziplock bag. I now collect fortunes from fortune cookies. I have a box full of them.
44. I hate wearing color because I feel like I'll stain it or something. That's why I wear a lot of black. Contrary to what most people think, my room is extremely colorful, like my personality.
45. When I was younger I used to not be able to sleep with covers covering my arms, now I have to to be able to fall asleep.
46. When I had heart surgery when I was four or so, I brought my baby blanket to the hospital. I still have that blanket on my bed and I use it to cool down if it's a hot night.
47. Grape soda used to be my favorite soda ever. Then my parents bought a 12 case, I drank half of it. Got sick. Haven't dranken another grape soda since then.
48. I have a couple stuffed animals, but I can't hold them when I sleep. They're too small, I normally hold onto a pillow instead.
49. My sister telling me how worthless I am is why I don't believe in myself.
50. Once, the power at my house went out for hours. I got bored and watched the blank TV until I fell asleep.
51. If I'm upset, I find someone to tell me a story so I can get my mind off of things. I don't know when I picked that up, but it works.

That's it. 51 worthless things to know about me.

I'm totally hotter than Julia.

Googlism for: angie

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angie is not part of the family business; she is a jewelry designer
angie is also a welcomed regular at the"classic country music reunion" show in trenton
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angie is 21

Is that last minute or what?

I possibly might be going to prom. Jacqi says she has a friend who's got no date, probably will pay for everything, is just looking for a date to go with as friends, and Jacqi's got a dress and shoes for me to borrow.
I asked my mom and she said she'd think about it. Which is a step up from the no she first gave me.

Match Maker.

So it seems all of my friends have found mates. Well not literally all, but just about all the ones I hang out with the most. Misa and Steven. Bryan and Ariel. Gareth and Kelsey. Then there's me. I want a boyfriend, them I'm like "Wtf Ang. You don't need one."
Needless to say I'm a bit neglected in my group, but you know who's fault that is? Mine. It is just my fault. I have always been the quiet one, and with everyone paired up I'm even more quiet. It's my own damn fault and I know it.

In other news. I've been freezing all day. Bryan gave me a hoodie.
I dropped down and started crying because my ribs hurt like hell. Bryan was the first to notice and gave me some Advil.
Curtis has a crush on me. Not sure what to think about that..

I listened to some Anberlin at Bryan's. I liked it..

I'm going to try to stop breathing for awhile. Maybe the pain in my ribs will go away.

FSUCK YOU PHOTOSHOP.

So I was working on my surreal project on my sisters computer. And when I have to retreat to my room I decide why not finally get photoshop on my laptop. Mom showed me how kinda and I never got around to it. So I unzip the files, whoo. Step one over. Now where the hell on my laptop did they go? It's like getting a spring from a pen and messing with it until it flies across the room. You know it's there somewhere, you heard it hit the ground, but where the fuck did it go? After about ten minutes of looking I gave up and unzipped them somewhere else where I could find. YAY FOUND IT. Now it's a bunch of folders. Great. What the fuck do I do with them. After awhile at looking at the non sensical titles I get angry and click around randomly. WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW! IT WORKED. It brought up the install screen! AWSOME. Close all my other windows and I'm all happy.
Greeting: YAY
Name: ANGIE
Last name: Shanklin
...
Serial number. FUCK. I don't have that. Skip!
...
Wtf. SKIP.
GODDAMNIT.
Exits.
I swear. That printer in the photography room that cut off TONS of my 7 Deadly Sins projects went through some extreme networks to tell my laptop to fuck me over with Photoshop. Told all those computers in the computer lab to delete photoshop so I'd go crazy when I couldn't work on my project when class ended. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT PRINTER. I'M GOING TO STAB YOU IN THE MEMORY CARD READER. SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT UP THE ASS. Telling every computer not to love me. I'll show you.
I was already not having a good day.
-Surreal project not going as planned.
-Friends talking behind my fucking back.
-Contact got lost on the side of my eye, queue panic attack there. I got it back after about 5 minutes. But freaking hell.
-I got kinda mad at Steven because he wasn't very supportive of Day of Silence.

Whatever.

So cold.. So pale..

Rawrrr. Last night I was super cold, I ended up falling asleep wearing a hoodie with the hood up and under 4 or 5 blankets, and still curled up in a ball shaking. This morning I hit the newly found snooze button on my alarm clock 4 times before I realized I really was not doing so well. I was still cold, my head hurt and I had a huge stabbing pain in my stomach. And the stabbing pain has been of an on since yesterday during 7th. It came out of no where and made me cry, twice. I went upstairs and told dad I didn't feel well at all and he said I felt kinda calmy and told me to go back to bed. I slept til 5. Five in the evening. The hell? I went upstairs and dad said "Hello pale child." Ughhhh. I need to go to school tomorrow. Day of silenceeeee. Atleast all the homework I know I have for tomorrow is done. And 7th off. 3 classes.. I think I can do it...

I need hugs T_T

Odd girl out.

I find myself wondering just why I hang out with my friends anymore. Man that sounded mean, let me explain. My immediate group of friends: Kelsey, Gareth, Ariel, Misa, Bryan, Steven. Notice it's an even number, add me and suddenly it's odd. Kelsey goes with Gareth, they're dating. Ariel goes with Kelsey, they're best friends. Bryan goes with Ariel, they're dating. Misa goes with Steven, they're best friends. And etc. Almost everytime people split off I'm the one left alone. Everytime I went into a room people soon left. Everytime I started talking to someone they walked off or talking to someone while I was still trying to talk. Today I was in the middle of a conversation with Ariel and she walked off to see what Steven was up to. I feel like there's no use in me even going. I'm just a waste of gas and food. There's no reason in inviting me if they're not going to hang out with me. At Steven's house I did my homework and looked on dA because people kept ditching me. I got sick of following them to try to be included. I've mentioned it to them before, Kelsey says they're just easily distracted. They say they love me and they don't mean to, but it really hurts. Might as well stay home you know? My parents don't like me out all the time and my friends barely hang out with me when I'm with them. I feel like more of an outsider than I ever had in this group. Doesn't matter. Me being there isn't too different from me not. It's almost like everyone else is more interesting than me.
I don't know. They're not much better about it when it's at school. For a full week everytime I went into the commons in the morning, when I'd sit down at the table everyone would get up and leave. No exaggeration. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I'm super glad that Ellie and I are hanging out this Friday.

Not even five days.

Steven broke up with me this morning. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I can understand that. I think. I'm just not sure how I feel about it or if I believe that was the reason. I knew it was going to happen. Just a couple moments from when I got into the car. I knew he had something on his mind, and something he wanted to say. Doesn't take a genius to expect what was going to happen. I feel like I should be angry, like I should be sad, like I should feel something. But I don't. I can't get mad at him, he did nothing wrong. He didn't want to hurt me or anything. He did what he felt needed to be done. I'd rather him be happy anyways. I don't know. I felt more for Steven than I have for any other crush I've had. I don't know. Everything seemed to be going well in my life for a bit. At least I can thank him for that.

I cried today. Twice. Once while in a tree. And once out of sheer randomness when Kelsey poked my cleavage. Yesterday I cried. All of which I had no reason for crying. And every time I tried to take deep breaths to calm down I'd hyperventilate. As soon as I'd get my breathing stead it'd speed up uncontrollably and I'd feel worse. I really just want these mood swings to be over. Every time I start crying, just listening to myself is pathetic. All I can think is "Why the hell am I crying? There's nothing wrong. Stop it Angie. Stop crying. There's no reason for it." But I can't stop it. It confuses the hell out of my friends. Steven blamed himself for my crying today, well the one he knew about anyways. Yesterday when I was crying Bryan asked me what was wrong and I said absolutely nothing, to which he said, "That was the worst concocted lie ever."
Today. I saw Bryan cry. He feels like he's losing Ariel. It's the second time I've ever seen ters roll down his cheek. But the fourth time I've been there while he's been crying. Two times because of me, and two times because of Ariel. Sometimes.. Ariel just ticks me off to no end. Bryan tries so hard and she treats him like crap. But at the same time, he makes me mad for trying so hard when Ariel obviously wants him to back off. It's a group effort and they both kinda suck.
Gareth kept trying to get me to stop picking at th sides of my nails. I ended up wearing seven bandaids for the nine of the cuts on my fingers.
Kelsey kept chewing on plastic and ended up swallowing a piece or more.

Plus side. I'm getting only ankle deep in drama instead of drowning in it like I used to. I hugged Bryan, wiped away his tears with my sleeve, and told him I was there for him. I don't feel much about the break up that happened this morning. And that's about all that's going on.

I want to see Disturbia. Someone should go see it with me.
Day of Silence is this Wednesday. (April 18th)

Hormone Challenged.

So I had an extremely emotional day. I never knew I could be so random with anger and depression. I was fine for first period. (Where Mr. Campbell had no sub so Ms. Starman had to watch over us.) and the beginning of second (I didn't finish second because I had to go to the rehearsal for the assembly) During the assembly I got super depressed and I had no idea why. Third sucked, I totally bombed a quiz. Fourth was okay. I did the homework like a week ago. *Shrug* I guess I did the wrong homework or something. Lunch I started getting angry, but not too bad. On the way to my locker Jared game me duct tape, and French wasn't bad at all. I started to get hyper and happy on the way to photography, but after that I totally went down hill. Seventh period... Man. I took out anger on Bryan, felt bad. Duct taped my mouth shut. Took out more anger on him. Felt bad. Cried. End of period Misa comes up and asks me what's wrong. After she pokes me and harmless stuff, I yell and push her. Then she said we probably shouldn't hang out at my house. I apologized, and felt bad again. She shook her head. I got impatient and yelled "FINE!" and walked off. Ditching everyone. I had offered a ride to Marty before hand. I feel bad for walking off. I cried on the way home. Mom called me Hormone Challenged and I said something like "What!? I think I have more than enough hormones!" "I mean the dealing with them." That made me cry harder. When I got home Dad asked why I wasn't wearing my sweater, and I got angry again. Mom offered me Midol which made me more upset. I went downstairs and started crying. When I stopped crying I called Misa to apologize but ended up crying just leaving her a message. I eventually went upstairs and took two pills of Midol. I ended up curling up in a blanket in a chair and fell asleep watching TV. Woke up in an okay mood. Then I got cramps. Muffin watched TV with me and after awhile I pushed her off hoping someone would be online.

Fucking periods.

Tu Seras.

What happened to my door!?

So my parents did find out about my broken door. I didn't doubt it would happen. I mean how long can you keep a broken door a secret? I got home and walked downstairs and saw my door laying on the floor in the hallway. I played innocent. "What happened to my door?!" "I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" "But what happened to it!? My dooorrr!" And so on. I didn't really want to place the blame on any of my friends. I mean it was all just an accident. My parents saw through my lies and didn't pester for the full story. Just said that my friends aren't allowed in my room anymore. This is kinda sad. We've broken a chair and a door now. I think we're too rough. I told mom that I was making up for the friends Cassie never brought home. If she had brought them over maybe our house would be teenager-proof by now. Convincing? I didn't think so either. But it was worth a try right? I don't know when my door will be fixed though..

Oh. And Steven asked me out last night. Like 20 till midnight on MSN. We talked about why he hadn't asked me out yesterday and such, and all fears were mostly silenced! =D He said he'd ask me out in person when he saw me next. Which has yet to happen. I'm still grounded. But it still makes me supah fantasticly happy.

So today when I got to school I was extremely out of it. Even though I had gotten like.. 5 hours of sleep or so. When Misa came she didn't really talk and she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Walking down to second she still wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and when I was texting Steven she looked at my phone then turned around and walked to a table and hit her head on it a couple times. During second she still wouldn't tell me what was wrong but I thought I had a good guess. During Seminar, I asked Ariel if she had any idea why Misa was upset, and Ariel read a note from Misa then handed it to me to read. "I don't want to hate Angie... I still love Steven" or something along those lines. That totally killed my mood for the entire day. I felt absolutely horrible. I walked slower, I didn't talk except to make sarcastic comments, or to tell people I didn't want to talk about it. Several times I was on the verge of crying. French class I made my fingers bleed again on accident and Ms. Henningson looked at me oddly when I asked for three bandaids. Course everytime I tried to ask or them she'd start another activity, or walk away. I ended up getting some blood on my notes. During photography I learned how hard it is to type with bandaids on. Also I got into the ArtShow. I was actually kinda in an odd mixed feeling about it. I was proud of myself, yes. But I also came to hate that piece with a passion. I found so many faults and flaws I could have fixed. The mounting was crooked. The prints weren't the same size. Some prints had sides cut off. One of the corners was horribly bent on it. That and my mood hadn't been too good all day. So if I had been told any other day I probably would have been jumping up and down. But instead I just looked at the paper and shoved it in my backpack. I started to get more talkitive during photography because no one in there is apart of my immediate friends. None of them give me drama. They don't normally ask about what I'm upset, it's just a more... Comfortable enviroment when I'm in those moods. One of the monitors had like.. a hole in the screen, right in the middle. When you turned on or off the monitor there was a bright little light that amused Julianna and me. But alas. SCHOOL WEBSITE BLOCKS SUCK. DeviantArt, blocked because of "Nudity" ... Yes I do aknowledge there is nudity on DeviantArt. We're freaking highschoolers. You think if we can't look up porn at school it's going to stop us from doing such at home? What's the logic behind this? I mean yes, you don't really want a bunch of honey teens going to the MacLab to look up porn, but wouldn't it be so easy to catch us in any case? DeviantArt wasn't always blocked at school. And that was extremely awsome. Because during photography if I didn't have an idea for a project, go look up some stuff on dA and get some ideas. Now you get that stupid Bessie blocker dog. Then we're all supah cool, and go to www.ca.yahoo.com CANADIAN YAHOO. And we could click that image search and not get Bessie. But like in ten minutes both Julianna and I got the same blocked page at the same time. "Reason for block: Visual Search Engine" Wtf. We got kinda freaked, like the admin were just watching to see how we could bypass the blocks. We're working on surrealism. So we could get stock stuff (Hince needing search images) I want to have a tree growing out of someones hand as they're in a flower pot. And... ...DANG. I can't remember my other idea. Dangit. I REMEMBER NOW. Someone like.. coming out of the TV ^_^
Anyways. After photography, I went out into the commons and Misa looked like she had been crying. I didn't ask questions but informed everyone of my 7 Deadly Sins Art Show acheivement. 7th hour I was totally dead. I put my head down and fell asleep on a table. Then I didn't have the insentive to stand, walk, talk or even breathe. Bryan, Smasha, and Curtis helped stand me up and kept me stable until I fell to the ground. They dragged me to a table and sat me down there for awhile. Then Smasha dragged me to TAU. Everyone was concerned and gave me hugs all over the place and told me to smile. We made t-shirts for the Day of Silence (April 18th this year) and I started to lighten up again.

Later after TAU and the door thing, Misa explained she didn't hate me at all. Now I'm in a good mood again and everything seems to be going well. ^_^

I don't even know what to think about this day.

Okay first of all. Kelsey, Ariel, and Misa were super spectacularly giggily today. They all insisted that I must hang out today. So I get all my homework done during school and ask my mom, whoo. I kinda had a hunch on what was going on after awhile. Especially since Steven said he had a happy secret to tell me today, but honestly, I didn't want to get my hopes up. (By the way, he did end up reading the post about him *Scuffs shoe in dirt*) Marty asked out Misa, she more or less said yes. And Ariel and I knew about it before it happened and then I had a reason to be giggily. Anyways. We all kinda went to my house, Misa still giggily, Bryan giving me weird looks, and well everyone else kinda acted normal. Normal for them at least. Mom checked my grades and apparently I have a 69.22% in math now. How? I don't know. I had a C when spring break started and since we got back I've been doing all my homework 100%. I'll do some MathMates that I haven't turned in and everything should be okay again. I'm really trying, yea I know alittle late Ang. Just about 6 weeks left in the year and you're just now shaping up?! *Smacks own head* I know I know. I kinda went down when my parents didn't hold to their side of the deal. (Good grades=quitting smoking) We hung out in the basement for awhile, people leaving and coming back at random. Misa and Steven talked in my room for ahwile, the Kelsey went in. They all kinda left Gareth and I in the dark. When we walked in, you could tell Misa and Kelsey had been crying. It depressed the hell out of me and I walked back to the living room and curled up in a chair. Later we all kinda piled onto my bed, (By now Bryan and Marty had gone home) There was a lot of giggling, the mood lightened and then PEER PRESSURE. Dun dun dun. "Ask her ouuuuttttt!" "You are so cute togetherrrrrr!" (Yes they did carry out the words) Then all was kinda lost. They tried locking us in my room. Bad idea. We broke the door. I cried. We tried to fix it until we can do better. I'm still kinda lost.


Oh and sometime during 7th period Kenton blew up a condom to make a balloon. Oddles of fun there.

And no. Steven did not end up asking me out, for all of you inquiring minds.

Hahaha...

I totally forgot Steven knew about my blog. For those of you fortuneate to see my last post, congrats! Now it's hiding and I can be less paranoid.

What am I? A pin ball machine?

So I broke up with Marty. I felt more like a friend to him than anything. This happened... Last Sunday I think. That had to be the easiest break up ever too. He just kinda nodded and walked back into Bryan's basement. I still feel horrible about it though. He later asked about it in a note and I explained it all. I think we're fine again.
Buuuutttt... I'm developing a crush on Steven. Now I kinda wanna hit my head against something because of that. I feel like I'm just jumping from guy to guy. Ugh. Misa thinks that I should date Steven. I don't even think he likes me. When I said that to Kelsey she asked if I liked him, well. She saw through my lies. Then she said something like she hated having to keep her mouth shut. So I guess someone was talking to her about me and she swore not to tell anyone. Uhh.. The obvious might be that Steven told her he likes me, or something. But that's making assumtions. Although I guess it would make sense if he did. He's been very.. I don't know. He tickles me tons. Last night when he was driving me home, we were talking about my liking pain and junk (I kept asking Kelsey to kick me that day at the mall. She eventually did and my shins still hurt.) He told me to stop being depressed and pulled over infront of my house. He poked me a few times and then leaned over and held my head still, then hit his head with mine and told me to be happy. In the confusion I had put my hands up to my face because I thought he was going to tickle me like he normally does. I had honestly thought he was going to try to kiss me. It was... An odd moment. To say the least. I like talking to him. Every time we're in the car together without other people and we just talk, it's nice. I don't know. I've been thinking about what Kelsey said for awhile now. It makes sense but it doesn't. Misa said she'd rather me date Steven than not. Mostly because Ariel was toying with him, but now Ariel and Bryan are going out. Since... Last Thursday. Finally right? She flirted with him like mad.
Sasha and Laura are dating again. Sasha and I are fighting again.
I'm kinda.. I don't know. I think I need sleep.
Happy Easter Everyone.