"I'll just shut my eyes!" "Oh you'll open them, you have to breathe sometime" "Wait... what do my eyes have to do with breathing?"

YAY! WELLLLLLL! its only saturday night and ive already have a very eventful weekend, yesterday we (as in mitch trevor and i) were going to go to the imax for extra credit, but it wasnt playing anymore OWWIE OWW OW T_T my leg my leg... anyways... im not going to go through all of that... honestly i have other things on my mind lately like well..kyle and my conversation, sometimes i really think we have the same brain, we share so many things in common... here read and mind you this are just thoughts

Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
*pokes you repeatedly*
[sevrely alot cut out just for your convinence]
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
most of the time when hes about to go to bed we get into deep conversation and he doesnt go to sleep for like another hour XD
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
which i feel bad about doing
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
he doesnt get much sleep
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
me neither but he probobly likes the conversations i mean i know i would lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
lol yea, but id rather him sleep
[more cut out XD]
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and hes always so tired
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol you know you could turn your ringer off and he'd just give up and sleep
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i know..
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
but thats mean
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and he probably wouldnt sleep anyways
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
not really if your helping him i mean
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
[omg censored!]
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
he gets up at like 4 every morning
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and doesnt go to bed till like 10 or 11 and most of the time he cant even get to slee[
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
*sleep
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
dude i only get up at 6
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
yaw me too, but he goes to seminary
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and most of the time i sleep in till 6:40 XD
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
damn lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i dont think i could live being him
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
church, then school, then band omg
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
dude thats his routine everyday?
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
yaw basicly
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and band goes till like 5
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
jesus
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
except for thursdays, then its usually church my house school than band
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
he wont sleep though
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
ah
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
hey i dont either lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
hed rather sleep in study hall than on my couch or something
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
only when im super tired
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
hes always super tired XD
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
if i was him i'd probobly ask for the bed XD
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lmao jk jk XD
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
XD hes normally already in my bed
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:

Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
he just wont freakin sleep
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and were usually watching cartoons in my room thank you very much XD
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and what else? =3 lol im kidding
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
lol
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
hes probobly gotten far enough already
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and the only times hes ever slept while i was around was when we were at my aunts and i was on the floor curled up with my blanket, cassie was sleeping on the couch and he fell asleep in the chair and once when leah and him were over and we were watching movies and he fell asleep while i was laying on him XD
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and he woke up pretty quick both times
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i drool when i sleep o_o
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
at my aunts i sat up and looked at him and he was asleep and it looked like he had been watching me by the position he was in, and i got up to get in the chair and it woke him up, and when he fell asleep when i was laying on him i was trying not to move then randomly he jurked up said he forgot his glasses in the bathroom and got up and ran to the bathroom when his glasses were on my hamper XD
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i talk in my sleep o_o
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lmao XD
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
thats funny lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
leah and i were laughing
[part of convo cut out for reasons XD]
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
...like "SHUT UP!!"
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
XD
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i about died from embarassment and she didnt look to freaked actually i think she was hoping i wouldnt wake up O_O
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
lmao
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol i was kinda freaked no wait "really" freaked lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
awh
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
but lately we havnt been talking and shes sort of ignoring me
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
wai?
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i dont know i mean i thought we were great but i dunno ever since we last went to the movies shes been quiet and hasnt said anything and shes mainly talking to our best friends Robert and Charlie more than me -_-;
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and the last time we went to the movies wasnt when that occured that was a few weeks back
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
hmm..
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i dont know
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
maybe she was a bit freaked
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
no it wasnt when that bonner thingy occured the last time we went to the movies it was pretty normal and we talked alot
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and kissed alot to so i mean i dunno what it could be
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
weird
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
hold please trash needs taking out
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
ok
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
back
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
wb
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
well... do you think she might want to break up?
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
thanks
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
idk she wont tell me and your welcome
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i dont know either... have you tried talking to that charlie dood and the other guy?
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yea and charlie talked to shirley to see whats wrong and he told her that shes ignoring me and that she needs to talk to me...way to ask her charlie
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and the other guy?
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
he said he doesnt know whats up
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
hmm... idk then
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i hope she doesnt break up with me i mean i really love her
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
for some reason trevor and my relationship has been feeling kinda odd... i got to thinking today and i dont think ive ever seen him really at all excited to see me
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
awh
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i hope it all works out ^^;
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
dude thats exactly the way shirley is with me and we dont talk so much any more even when were right by each other its just small talk
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
well trevor and i still talk alot, but its like... when ever i pop out of no where he just kinda goes "hey angie" and hugs me
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i dont even get a kiss anymore it's been reduced to a hug now
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
we used to kiss in the hall all the time before class just a quick goodbye kiss and the were off to start our day but now its just and empty unsatisfying hug
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
damn im wineing sorry rain
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
dont be
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
no im sorry i mean no one wants to hear me wine its all just a big pitty party
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
no no, i like listening to peoples problems, especially my friends
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
with me and trevor its more like.. "ugh class... *glomp*"
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yea
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
oh man you know how couples usually write notes to each other?
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
just even about random junk
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
yaww
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
well shirley hasnt written me any notes in a while and i write like once a week now cause shes not writing me so whats the point?
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
weird
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i know
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
trevor and i write each other alot
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
we have a notebook full of notes and drawings, we pass it off on eachother during passing period
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
god its just when ever i think about shirley like this i feel really empty and cold
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
we used to do that to
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
till she lost it
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and all the notes from before ive kept ^^; like the one where he asked me out... the next one when i didnt reply... and the one that he didnt give me for weeks and weeks because he didnt know how id react
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and it was all worn out from him reading it over so much by the time he gave it to me
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i still have every one of her notes in an envelope i keep beside by bed and i used to re-read them alot till there were to many to read in one night
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
wow
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
thats like almost exactly like me
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i keep mine in a box though
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
wow
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i still read them over and over...
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i have them memorized
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
but they still make me smile
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
they still make me smile
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
weve got alot in common
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
we always have had alot in common lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
lol but its weird when our realtionships are similar too XD
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yea true lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i have so many freaking memories with trevor.. i remember him even before i knew him
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i knew what he looked like... and he walked down the hall when i got out of art class... i remember one of the shirts he had
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i forget things to easily
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
i can vaugly remember the first time i met shirley
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i have a bad memory too
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
but for some reason i remember almost all the time i spend with trevor
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
hell, i remember the social that when it was over he insisted on knowing if i had a good time or not
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yea lol
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i remember when we got back from the mall once and he said that i was the one he wanted to ask to the social but never got around to asking
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yea
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and for some reason i dont like having all these memories..
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
you dont? why?
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i dont know... i mean... i like remembering... but its so odd that i remember so much and it kinda remembers me
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
*scares not remembers
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
im distracted ^^;
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol its ok
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and well why does it scare you?
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i dont know.. and at the same time i just dont like remembering.. i can find SO many things i could have done better
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
oh yea i do that to
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and..i wish i could be so much better you know? that i wouldnt be so much of a hassle for him
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
if he thinks your a hassle then he doesnt deserve you ok? no guy should have to even think there gf is a hassle
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i dont think he thinks im a hassle... but i know im stubborn, like when he says im the best and i shake my head and say that he can do better, and i cant help it! its like...i think he should be with someone better... and that i hate myself doesnt help at all
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
oh your just modest is all and rain your not the worst person there is if anything your even better then the rest of them cause your real you dont try to hide who you are you dont really care that much what other people think about you and to me well thats pretty incredable and he should think so to
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
but actually... i do care what people think, all the time im paranoid about whether or not people are whispering about me
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and he does think im incredible... he thinks so much of me and always trys to convince my mind otherwise
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
well thats good he should try to convince you i mean your the only person worth convencing otherwise and yes people will whisper but later in life thats when it will be your turn to whisper if you know what im saying
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
not really o_o;
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
they will be the ones trying to regain there lost youth when there older and they'll go as far as to become wreckless and lose all track of the life they should have they'll try to regain the lost youth you already possess now and later in life yes you'll lose it but you wont miss it cause you'll have already lived it
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
hmm..
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
good point
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and sometimes, i think im too young to even be dating someone
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and then you see you'll be the one whispering about how stupid and childish they look
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
lol your not dating is just a social thing you and trevor may stay togather you may not it all deppends on how strong your love is for each other
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
hell i know me and shirley wont last a whole lot longer i mean were already breaking apart
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
but.. its like i look all around me at school and about everyone i know is going out with someone different every other week, and its no big... when me and trevor breakup im almost positive im going to be crying... but its like... were different than everyone else, we geuninely love each other we dont just go out because we want a bf or gf like most people at my school do, and i find it so stupid-
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
how people are like that, they just go out with a person so they can say they have someone, not because they actually like them, not because they actually enjoy their company, and it just doesnt make sense at all to me
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
holy shit i feel the exact same way and it just feels as if you are the only two people that are actually staying togather cause you really love each other and not just so you might get some ass you know?
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and then that kinda makes me think, well maybe this is just too good to be true you know? like he might be just like all the rest and just wants the status of boyfriend and im just a pawn in his game, and then its like... why the hell am i thinking that, he would never do that, he would never want to hurt me, hell he says sorry when i kick him because it may have hurt me!
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
teens can be such sex hounds... makes me sick to my stomach really
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
its just pointless with the others but idk why but when im with shirley even just walking down the hall i see everyone with someone different and were the only "real" people there everyone else is like a...um, a puzzel that never gets solved and with me the piece fits for a while but i never can tell if she fits i mean you know what im saying right? oO;
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yes, yes they are and they'll be the ones with STDs just watch em
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
yea... but its like... you know its going to end and you know it wont last forever, and you get more afriad everyday they they WILL meet someone better and youll be left behind, and they may just break it off thinking its no big deal, when you really felt the real thing, and it actually pains you to even think about that... you know?
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yea i do know...all to well as a matter a fact...and you even think to yourself when you wake up "Was it a dream? am I really still here?" or "Will today be the day they find someone new and forget me?"
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
yea, and then you know its comng and you try to prepare but you know that it will still just be a massive blow that will take a long time to recover from
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and even when you feel whole again the pains never really gone its like a scar thats forever eched into the back of your memories
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and then you hate yourself for keeping all those memories that used to make you smile but now just remind you how stupid you really were
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and everytime you remember the pain just starts to overwhelm you again and you feel worthless like a piece of trash that was kicked around then tossed to the side never to be touched by human hands or never to be loved ever again
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
its really depressing when you think about how bad life really is...its all like one big joke...a sick horrible joke meant to toy with your emotions till you finally break
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
but its like... you see so many adults that HAVE found happiness... and you wonder if youll ever be like that... and if this person WILL be the one you spend your life with.. i think about that everday... what if me and trevor really DO last and we end up getting married and everything... what would it be like?
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
but what really kills me to think about is that even if you stay with this person how long with that last cause even when your married you not truely free of worry i mean what if you lose them later to yet again someone else or what if they die right before your eyes and your the one left with the wounds of an incomplete life
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
your* sorry
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and then youd even feel bad about if you died before them... about how much pain youd put them through
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and what if theres children involved would you really want the pain or even death of your own flesh and blood to cloud you emotions and haunt you and if they dont even know who you are or your left all alone with them will they feel like you and bare the same flesh wounds as you? what if they fall further than you did and actually end up hating themselves and think there to blame for what happened
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
either that or they'll just end up doing exactly what were doing now wondering if there even fit to bare the wounds and scars of a harsh life that lies ahead for them
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
then it really makes you think whether or not itd just be better if you had never met them to leave them with heartache..
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
or what if you had been raised differently? would you be just like the sex hounds of teens we see in our skool today? or would you still be the same as you are now
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
and if you were one of those sex hounds, would you secretly be hurt by all the short relationships, or really just be able to shake it off?
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
like an emotionless drone of the rest of today scoceity who thinks they can just slide by in life with no effects from there causes and the damage they'v done not even thinking there actions would and could kill another human life
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
exactly, and how many people would you hurt if you were like that?
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
damn were almost exactly the same on all this its amazing lol
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
but yea its just not right how some of these sexist blood hounds live and breath and how they rob people of whatever humanity they possess just for there own selfish gain
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
kinda makes you wonder if everything would just be better with arranged marriages with how many sex hounds and abusers there are now a days
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
nah they'd just find a way around it almost the entire population of the world was built on arranged marriages and we've managed to stray away everytime
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
besides its not really fair to those who "really do" love a person there not arranged to marry
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
true
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
but really there arent many of those anymore
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
so many devoirces
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
just a very short few now adays its sad to see how far humanity has fallen
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yea my mom and dad are both divorced my mom twice my dad 7 times so i was bred from the very type of person i hate most and i will never be the same as him as long as i live since he left me i was pretty much called a bastard by the rest of society cause i was fatherless and still remain
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
not to mention i was also one of those "accidents" people have been having so many of lately...
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
yet again, damn sex hounds
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
but then again, its like you never really KNOW if you actually love someone enough and if you wont find someone better
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yep...both my mother and father, sex hounds
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
yea...
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
my mother still to this day remains a whore and i will resent her with every last breath in my body but my father isnt getting off so easy either
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
im glad my parents arent like that..
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
you'd better count your blessings you dont have to hear your very own mother fucking another man one she and you only know as a stranger and shes doing this in your house its to much for me to handle once i actually burst in the room and hit the guy with a iron pole in the face we almost got sued if it hadnt been for my mother's "seduction"...
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:

Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
damnit
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
i have to go
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
cassies home
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
im sorry... nice talking to ya though
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
ah its ok i understand
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
bye rain and sweet dreams
Nariko Shimizu~Boys and boys should be together, Girls and girls can rule the world. says:
bai bai kyle *huggles* you too, lurve ya
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
*huggles back* bye
"I was a creature before I could stand!!" says:
and i luve you to ^^

cut out some stoof cause its all personal and such XD and its kinda odd, kyle is about the only one that this happens with, where we build of one thought and just add and add and we both agree on whats being said... he like... unlocks thoughts in my brain by doing that, kinda odd really..

ANYWAYS bands got state compatition today... best wishes and luck with that, wait...todays sunday isnt it!? dang it XD i forgot sunday comes after saturday... how sad... i should do some homework i guess... anyways... BAI BAI! ^_^

oh em freakin jello gee

and speaking of the word "freakin" my mom wishs for me to stop using it, says it s bad languages and such... although you hear things 20x worse coming from cassies mouth... ah well
well its actually getting to actually look like fall... leaves turning colors and falling to the ground... possible snow weather.. and the clarks lawn is still totally green *shrug* anyways! yesterday was my semi ongstresscatchup day for not being in school most of monday, went to access, and about all my teachers were... still not at school... so i went back to them... and well... fuji missie and i were on the evil stairs and i was looking down at the people in the commons... fuji said it looked like i was about to jump, so i acted like i was going to anddd... who should be standing where i would land if i did jump but chelsea, kinda freaked her out too XD we were all team like, then went to class, only... we were missing trevor from our team XD so we were the fantastic 3, anyways, nothing really important through my classes... english we did englishy things, science... umm.. i dont remember science, photography erm... amber helped me develop and my contact sheet was all.. really light... geography, austin and i copied jareds map, YAY JARED! and we had a test... lunch... TREVOR WAS BUSTED and we all concluded, it was my fault for not watching for the janitor... ah well i had my mind on other things really, like not getting sick... i felt all awful... anyways, while trevor was n the office, i decided to stand in the shade and watched everyone else play with the hackie sack... and mitchs attempts at around the world were just so much funnier without the hackie sac study hall i studied OMG hmm... people keep petting me now that i have been wearing cat ears... about 6 random people a day either comment on my ears, try to steal them, or pet me, or in ashleys case its "*pet pet* pretty kitty... yes... such a pretty kitty... PURR DAMNIT KITTY! good kitty..." o_o she scares me alot, anyways, french i presented! wheeeee... and... i think her name is kelly.. but she commented on my ears too, XD and lana came in near the middle of the period and i shouted HAI ELENA! as she was leaving... math.. erm.. i didnt pay ...we had a test T_T...quizical thing... i got a low c... as in 71percent on it XD but better than courtney and collin went home.. did some things... OMG LAPTOP I HAVE A MONITER ITS A FLATSCREEN I MIGHT HAVE A COMPUTER IN MY ROOM AS SOON AS I GET A FREAKIN POWERCORD! and internet e_e AND THEN I MIGHT GET WILLY AND SIMON THE SOURCERRRRR! ^_^ and other assorted games i found amusing that we still may have...whats really sad is cassie and i have the first part of willy beanish memorized... up until wed get stuck XD and seriously its really hard to get through that game without cheats... probably inpossible too XD anyways...

LAST NIGHT! i had two of some odd dreams (hell if my dreams are ever normal do i ever post em here?) anyways... FIRST DREAM this i think has got to be one of the weirdest dreams ive had... wow more than an hour of distracting.. anyways, i was walking to school and the first person i see is trevor, and hes smoking, i get upset and try to act like i didnt see him, but he runs up to me and hugs me then asks if i want one too, i tell him no and tell him he shouldnt be smoking, he gets mad and some other kid comes over and asks what my problem is, i start crying and say trevor should know, then the kid asks if im senitive about smoking because of my parents, and i scamper off, when i get to a class room theyre watching a movie, so i come into the class and see my old friend megan in the arms of trevor, i get even more upset, megan spots me and gets up to hug me, then we start messing around and i look over to see trevor even more mad, i threaten to dump him because hes doing all this bad stuff and he ends up dumping me right there thats when i woke up, looked at the clock and it was 4am, so i went back to sleep in my next dream im with lee at the mall, and shes picking out stuff for halloween, somehow the mall is hooked to her room and we find james running to her room, when he comes back he has anthony, chelsea and daniel find us too, and then we go into lees room and then lee decides she wants to go for a walk, and its like... 1am so her and anthony start walking james decides to drive, and chelsea daniel and i drive in another car, we stop at a church having lost everyone else, and go inside, we start looking around and then daniel kicks a cat, i yell at him and smack him in the head then i run after the cat to aid it, the cats fine daniel tells me and i yell that he could have seriously injured it, and when i said that the cat jumps up into my arms and starts purring, then daniel says hes really thirsty and asks if theres a kitchen around here, chelsea yells down the stairs no, and i ask daniel if theres a water pump and he can use my water bottle which i conveninly have in my backpack i just happen to be carrying around, we start walking up the stairs and se a room lit with candles, we all go towards it and find it empty so we decide to stay there for the night, about 3 minutes later james comes in panting saying lees gone missing, anthony comes in after him and i look at them both, lean agsint the wall covering my face, my legs go limp and i slide to the floor... and while laying on the floor i start crying because i wouldnt get to see lee again, james looms oer me and trys to assure me wed find her again and thats when my alarm woke me up -.-; annndd... thats about all i want to say for now, yay!

D=<

well, me whole goal of not missing school was officially spoiled today, last night i was up till about midnight reading with the light of my gameboy, although... id get bored and play sonic so i was going pretty slow, woke up this morning and was sevrely hungry so i decided to eat some breakfast, grabbed a griddle cake thing from the freezer, and collected my laundry while it was in the microwave, i only got to eat about half of it because everytime i took a bite my stomach would hurt even more, i told mom we fought over music, thhheenn... i went to go brush my teeth, thats where teh suck began, after i was mostly done brushing my teeth i ended up throwing up twice, i think mostly because i have a really bad gag reflex and i agrivated it while brushing my teeth... stoopid toothpaste i told mom i was fine and went to school, i felt even worse but still went to my classes, i got through 1st and second (english and science) and had gotten into photography, felt even worse from the smell of chemicals, ms ellison asked how i was i said i was sick and i might not make it through the whole period, she told me to go to the clinic right then with all of my stuff and go lay down, when i got there i felt even worse and decided to call mom to go home, i waited for mom and she picked me up, on the way home i didnt feel much better, as soon as i got inside i put my stuff down on the chair by the door and went straight to my room to lay down, muffin came and layed down with me as i watched tv and i ended up falling asleep, around 11:40 i woke up to my phone vibrating and ringing.. only problem was, i had no idea where the hell my phone went, i went on a mad search for it following the sound of the ring and finally found it under my mattress, and it said jared had called, im guessing at the end of the lunch period, i tried calling it back but it only went to the answering machine, soooo i went back to watching tv, mom and dad left to get something from the store, i got up and made some ramen ate that and went back to sleep, woke up again ate some icecream and went back to sleep XD im seeing a pattern, anyways when i woke up i went downstairs after watching an hour of tv, and played on the computer, after a bit i went upstairs saw the kitten from next door at the back door, so i locked minky in the bathroom so i could go outside and pet the kitty, well as soon as i opedned the door the cat ran inside and straight to muffin, i pushed muffin away and got the cat and went back outside, spent about 5 minutes outside petting the kitten and jasmine, then went back inside, let minky out and went back to the back door and sat meowing at the cats for 10 minutes, is that sad or what? went off...came back and meowed at the cats some more, went back downstairs and thats where ive been since... NOW! im just waiting for someone to call or im me or something... im so freaking bored e_e; but feeling kinda better... i probably will be at school tomorrow

you might be an Angie if...?

do you wait all day online just to talk to someone for less than five minutes? do you wait for someone outside of their class so you can walk with them? have you seen someones face and cant help but smiling? do you spend most of your day looking at the floor infront of you instead of holding your head high? do you do things to get yourself notices just so you dont have to start conversations with people? are you scared of what people think of you? have you tried staving yourself to fit in? have you bled just to get your mind off it all? have you felt so self conscience that whenever you heard whispers you were convinced they were talking about you? are you that person in the back of the class no one notices? are you only known by who your friends with? do you miss people so much that youd rather take the heat for walking over to wherever they are in the middle of the night than to go another minute with no contact? have you ever just wanted to stop and scream? do you ever just close your eyes and wish you were somewhere else? have you ever just closed your eyes while on the swings or on a rollorcoaster and just went with the flow? are you the type of person thatcan think clearly when everything around you is chaos but while your alone you cant get a complete thought for the life of you? do all of your thoughts and problems seem to dissappear when you see one person? do your thoughts seem to repeat themselves? do the voices of your mind hate each other and seem to fight over the smallest things? do you hate pain yet love it all at the same time? do you do stupid things that harm yourself just to get a small smile or laugh from someone whos crying? have you become the total oppisite of what you said youd be when you were younger? do you miss people so much you spend endless nights crying? do you love the rain? do you hate being cold but lover making snowforts and simpley lying out in the backyard as snowflakes fall on you? do you love laughing but almost everytime you do someone makes fun of your laugh? is there a fine line between what you look and sound like when your crying and laughing? are you afriad of showing your true self to people for what they may think? are you unsure of what the realy you is like? do you hide your emoitions just so people wont worry? do you remember what happiness is? do you miss the times when you actually loved yourself and honestly didnt care what people thought? do you think "i love you" more than you say it? do you answer people without saying and word and just thinking it all in your head? then feeling like a moron for just staring at someone for over 3 minutes in silence? when people ask you whats wrong do you scream at yourself in your head telling yourself just to fucking tell them everything, but all your mouth can seem to say is nothing? did you have open heary surgery because there was a hole in your heart that you were born with? are you self conscience about your scar from that surgery and people walking up to you and asking what happened? are you scared people will notice the scars on your arms wrists and legs? do you cry for no apparent reason? if all of these and more are true about you, then you just might be a clone, and now for all of you that have read this you may or may not know more about me, and if you knew it all, you know me all too well and really... if you know all of this already, then thats kinda pathetic, i am nothing to get worked up over, i dont deserve to have the friends i have, i dont deserve any of the love i get from people, everyone was just fine before they knew me, and they would be just fine without me, never forget that

its crazy but its true, i only want to be with you

HEY! its so me again, no its so someone else... although with my mind thats not to far from possible, anyways... WE SO HAVE THINGS TO DOWNLOAD MUSIC NOW!
^____________________________^ its my friend buuuttt... we have so many freaking things to play music on its not even funny -.-; mom hates it, i know how to work two of them, but mom uses one of them to download music onto her ipod anyways... i so cant wait for band to end... which is kinda odd because im not even in band, i want my friends back though, about the only one who even attempts to hang out with me anymore is trevor, although i did go to the mall with lana and kelly not too long ago, and we found travis some joey kid, casey and alex, that was fun.. but i was reminded of how much of an outcast i am, travis noticed that i always lagged behind the crowd, behind everyone, and he asked why, then lana said that she noticed that too, and that they felt bad because they felt they were leaving me out, and trevis even pushed me to the front of the crowd, and within seconds i was back at the back of the crowd, kinda sad... but i get really paranoid when walking infront of people...like at any given moment i could turn around and they could have all desserted me, it just freaks me out, especially with my fear of being abandoned and such i guess im just not good in big groups really... but atleast while i was at the mall with kelly and lana i got two hugs, both from travis, although... i always feel kinda odd going anywhere with kelly and lana, they have so many inside jokes and im left out of about all of them, not only that but while i was at the mall with them... i started getting really self conscience, anyways yesterday after school julie randomly asked me for a hug, which i found kinda odd because shes never asked me that before, then she got distracted by some other people, and i hugged her and scurried off, im still kinda odd about hugs though, not as much as i used to be, i used to hate hugs, much like half of my friends, but now i give hugs to about everyone, like jared XD cause trevor hurt him so i gave him a hug to make it all better XD everyone loves jared, even trevor... YOU KNOW IT TREVOR YOU LOVE HIM AND WANT TO MARRY HIM! or atleast hug him ^_^ hmm.. well i have no idea what to be for halloween... although im not sure if that matters anyways im done ^_^

Cat? Imma kitty-cat!

well since its about an hour before my time to sleep... its gonna be a short post XD and mostly about my thoughts... and hell im such a sucker for people playing with my hair XD i realized that today and... thats about all on my mind other than some other stuff im a sucker for but i wont bore you all with that ^^;;; just like heaven is a good movie...and ive notived that almost every time i get out of a movie im shaking alot o_O im not cold or anything, i start shaking as soon as i stand up, but tonight i was shaking the most i have in awhile, the trying to unravel the caution tape was really odd with unsteady hands XD hmm.. doomy doomy dooomm... cat... imma kitty cat..^^; im so happy right now... SHORTPOSTOMGBAILOVEYS!

songs i want/need:
"be my escape" by relient k
lyrics

I’ve given up, I’m giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last call that You mentioned is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up I’m doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You


"sugar were going down" by fall out boy

Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(A notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(Notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it
[x2]

Down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

We're going down, down (down, down)
Down, down (down, down)
We're going down, down (down, down)
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

and lastly "stars" by switchfoot
oh and "dare you to move" by switch foot... but seeing as its almost my bed time i wont find the lyrics now XD

30 seconds of doom!

has anyone else noticed that my blog entries seem to be longer and more fequent than most of our friends? anyways, ive gone through all my messenger lists deleting people, so if yer one of the people i deleted, too bad not like you talk to me anyways, eh... i miss seth T_T i miss him alot... ah hell, i dont remember the username to my old blog... maybe it was joetheduck... ey i found it out whoo... now i know i posted something about seth in my drafts in there... umm... wow... that didnt help me at all all i have is "smvodicka (11/10/2004 4:20:30 AM): rain when did seths name change.....because we were playing around he was calling me the vampire and stuffs......" hah but theres this on 11-8-04 "well... today was un eventful, i was burnt in cfs, lana bit me a couple times in science, inwhich still shows, and after school my mom told me my aunts dog murphey died, so yep... im done now" now really... what day DIDNT i burn myself in CFS oh... the days when we were in sewing... thats when i stabbed myself with almost everything, gosh im so accident prone e_e; ...hmm... this is also in my drafts "I'm mentally four year old potential serial killer ecstasy-driven Londonish tomboy! and I'm gonna die saving the universe!" wheeeee.... ehhh... i miss seth still T_T i deleted him and now i feel bad for doign so but he hasnt been on for more than a year...i remember once i talked to him until... i think 4:30 am, and once i stayed up til i think... 6am with bryson XD man i miss my lappy top too, hmm... seth thought i was sexy, especially back when i said everything that had a w with a v sound instead, because im just that odd... hmm... so many memories
well... that was hours ago and im in a totally different mood, wheeeee lookie at a poem i found ^_^

Name: Anonymous
I used to cry
And I used to write
And I used to feel okay
But slowly the pen became not enough
To take away all of my pain

So I copied what I saw
I copied what I read
And I made a few friends
And I got lost in some moments
And I used to feel okay
But slowly all the miles became not enough
To take away all of my pain

So I copied what I saw
I copied what I read
And I took a few sips
And I emptied some bottles
And I used to feel okay
But slowly the drinks became not enough
To take away all of my pain

So I copied what I saw
I copied what I read
And I felt a few kisses
And I broke some hearts
And I used to feel okay
But slowly all the empty beds became not enough
To take away all of my pain

So I copied what I saw
I copied what I read
And I took a few drags
And I swallowed some pills
And I used to feel okay
But slowly the drugs became not enough
To take away all of my pain

So I copied what I saw
I copied what I read
And I bought a few knives
And I took some cuts
And slowly the pain became enough
To take away all of my tears

dont ya like it? i dooo... and there are some others that i dont like as much that reminded me offfffffff thiiisssss!

The 101 Best, Most Clever, and Most Disturbing Ways to Kill Yourself
CREATED AND PRESENTED BY:
~JULIE ELLISON AND TAYLOR JEWELL HENSLEY~
C 1999 Happy Days Inc.

1. Slit your wrists.
2. Drink cleaning supplies.
3. Put your dad's rifle in your mouth and shoot.
4. Cut yourself along several major arteries and slowly bleed to death.
5. Fill the bathtub up with hot water and get in. Go underwater & breathe until I say stop.
6. Give yourself a homemade tattoo with toxic silver pen.
7. Fill the bathtub up. Grab a toaster & plug it in. Get in the bathtub and bring the toaster with you. Push down the button & enjoy!
8. Boil several gallons of water on the stove and "accidentally" spill it all on yourself.
9. Bash your head in with a hammer.
10. Get an axe from the woodpile & split yourself in half.
11. Use your telekinetic powers to make the house fall apart.
12. Tease the elevator by not letting it close until it buzzes loudly. Stand in the door's way and let it close.
13. Break a mirror. Take two sharp pieces of the glass and shove them in your eyes, hard and deep.
14. Shove a Chef's knife up your butt.
15. Kill someone else and plead for death by lethal injection.
16. Break a bottle of wine on a table and shove it in your stomach.
17. Have your best friend run you over with a steamroller.
18. Turn on the iron until water dances on surface. Put it on several places on your body, keeping it in each place for at least 45 seconds.
19. Jump off a building, aiming carefully to impale yourself on a lamppost.
20. Drive a wooden stake in your heart.
21. Induce vomiting until you black out and slip into a coma. This coma should last for several months, in which time your family will certainly decide to pull the plug.
22. Put your pinky, as well as any other digits that will fit, into an electrical socket.
23. Purposely catch your clothing in the escalator at a local mall and fight off anyone who tries to help. Enjoy the ride!
24. Swallow vanilla bath beads.
25. Drop a lit match down your throat.
26. Eat three tubes of toothpaste - and I'm not talking about trial size.
27. Hang yourself in your closet with an electrical cord.
28. Unbend a coat hanger and slowly & carefully shove it up your nose.
29. Crash a car into a department store window displaying a nativity scene. Merry Christmas!
30. Lodge your head in the toilet bowl and flush mercilessly.
31. Get your hand caught in the CD-ROM drive and attempt to cut it off with a dull pocketknife.
32. Make a pipe bomb and blow up your house with you inside, of course.
33. Stuff toilet paper down your throat until you choke.
34. Eat baby powder.
35. Eat deodorant.
36. Take a walk in the ghetto with a giant boom box blasting Vanilla Ice.
37. Anger a cannibal.
38. Drown yourself in a spoon full of water.
39. Get a friend to throw a few CDs Frisbee-style at your stomach and throat.
40. Swallow fifteen razor blades.
41. Drink 2 bottles of cough syrup.
42. Lock yourself in a room. After you've eaten the carpet and peeled the paint off the walls for a snack, you'll eventually starve.
43. Swerve into the left rear wheels of a moving transfer truckƒon your bike.
44. Break a battery open and pour it into a glass of Dr. Pepper and drink it.
45. Live on top of an active volcano.
46. Piss off O.J. Simpson.
47. Eat a string of Christmas Tree lights.
48. Give yourself a million paper cutsƒif the paper cuts don't kill you, the counting will.
49. Nail yourself to the side of a federal building.
50. Scalp yourself. If you're not dead, make photocopies.
51. Cry your eyes outƒliterally.
52. Burn plastic and breathe in the toxic fumes.
53. Charge into a big screen TV.
54. Lag behind when participating in a Bull Run.
55. Walk around in downtown New Jersey with a Target store shirt on.
56. Smash your head in the safe door again & again & againƒ
57. Spray a bottle of air freshener up your nose and inhale at the same time.
58. Eat a dog with heartworms raw.
59. Strategically place yourself in the middle of a very busy intersection at rush hour during daylight savings time while wearing a tight, black jumpsuit, being ever so careful to hit every car you see.
60. Go to a horse race and jump out in front of the leading horse screaming at the top of your lungs, "I'm a pony! I'm a pony!"
61. Make like Sonny Bono when on a skiing trip.
62. Get run over by an ostrich.
63. Get naked and lay on 12 150-watt light bulbs, then flip the switch.
64. Cut off all your fingers then write a ten-page report on "Polyester versus Cotton Fabrics" with the stubs.
65. Get pregnant and then have your mother perform an emergency C-section just for kicks.
66. Jam a toothbrush in your bellybutton.
67. Brush your teeth with a MACH 3 razor.
68. Drill a hole in your head.
69. Find a huge pine tree. Cut it down with a chainsaw while standing in its falling path.
70. Skinny-dip in a shark tank with your favorite rubber ducky.
71. Drive with a rabid monkey in your back seat.
72. Play NASCAR with an unsuspecting fellow driver.
73. Jump off the balcony in a school auditorium.
74. Smash your head through a wooden door, making sure you get plenty of splinters.
75. Jump in the way of a moving subway train.
76. Drip hot wax all over your body, then light matches and light your feet on fire. The flames will rise and consume your entire body, but before you do that, make sure you drip hot wax in your eyes & let it harden.
77. Do back flips in a mosh pit.
78. Attempt to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
79. Jump out of a moving bus window and do shoulder-rolls across the highway until you get run over.
80. Always use the wrong tool for the job.
81. Float on your back in the Anaconda River and wait.
82. Get in a pool with piranhas and have them tear off your flesh bit by bit, eating you alive.
83. Wedge yourself in the doggy-entrance on the garage door and have a friend press the "garage open" button.
84. Use a chain saw to cut out pictures.
85. Shove a TV antenna in one ear & out the other.
86. Strangle yourself with your best necklace.
87. Bite your arm and suck & swallow the blood. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 88. Perform self-quadruple bypass surgery.
89. Take out your own spleen, cook it for 2 minutes in the microwave, and eat it.
90. Cut yourself up and feed as much of you as possible to the family dog.
91. Cut off your limbs and put them in the crock-pot for your family to find. If your crock-pot isn't large enough, put extra flesh in the freezer for later.
92. Swan dive into the 10-gallon fish tank.
93. Give yourself a buzz-cut with bush shears.
94. Gather up a group of friends to push all your pressure points at the same time.
95. Make believe you're in a psychiatric facility with padded walls when you're really in a steel cage.
96. Straddle a neon sign. Don't let go, no matter what people tell you.
97. Go swimming in an oil spill. Don't forget to open your eyes under water!
98. Smash your porcelain "Precious Moments" dolls in the middle of the street and consume the large pieces left over.
99. Roll around nude in the street at noon.
100. Drink paint. Eat the stick you stirred the paint with. Drink paint thinner to wash it down.
101. Take all the pills in your medicine cabinet, along with at least one shot of every alcoholic beverage known to man and take a little nap. Don't bother waking up.

7, 11, 17, 19, 21, 23, 27, 29, 36, 37, 39, 40, 48, 52, 59, 60, 64, 72 (especially with how i play nascar XD), 77, 78, 80, 83, 86, 94, 95, and 101 are my favorites, and some of then i would actually want to try X3

ANYWAYS IM SO FREAKING DONE!

TGIF

yup, its friday... so thank... gremlins its friday? since im not one that believes in god, which reminds me, many people have been tring to convert me at school, like the other day in science sean (some kid who is in some of my classes, sits next to me in science and has a locker near mine) asked me if i believed in god, i shruged and said i didnt know, he asked what religion i was and i said i didnt have one, so he started asking me about how i thought humans came to earth, so i asked if he was tring to convert me, and he said maybe and that was then end of that, and amber has been tring to convert me also, although i guess to convert id probably need a religion to begin with, and most people find it odd when i say i dont really know what i believe in, our family is suppose to be either cathlic or christan i cant remember, but really non of us really act as we believe in god, infact my sister is an atheist, i mean we mostly go with the flow... like when we have dinner with other familys, especially when im spending the night at the clarks and i say a prayer along with them, course im always pretty polite when eatting dinner with other families, i think the clarks are the only family i actually eat ENOUGH at, like... everywhere else i dont really put much on my plate, and i never talk much and im not really sure why, yet again... cept for the clarks house, i contribute to the conversation alot, which gets me another thought, why does it take me SO freaking long to get comfortable around people? i mean really, i seriously SUCK at feeling laid back with people, im still not totally comfortable with more than half of my friends! now is that not sad or what? anyways... off to an actual topic, if it can be called that, im back to my state of mind that thinks im just a nuesence, just a thing thats there, and more or less, it wouldnt be such a bad thing if i wasnt here anymore, infact, ive even had some thoughts of runnging away... course i know i cant do that, in every way possible, i cant sneak out at night... believe me ive thought about it, but chances are i wouldnt get very far, probably the farthest id go would be trevors house then id break down, and even if i could! i wouldnt be gone very long... id be so freaking miserable without all my friends that it would drag me back, and off of that topic... i think ii may start bringing my digital camera to school again, sarah wants pictures, and which gets me off on something else, WHY CANT EVERYTHING STAY THE SAME! i miss being such good friends with kyle and sarah, i miss being friends with stacy and erin, i miss being good friends with fuji and missy, i miss garret and ivy, i miss being best friends with mary, i miss those days when i was oh so innocent, i miss being the sweet innocent angie, i miss caring! i miss having one of my friends spend the night every weekend, i miss so many things... have you ever REALLY wanted to hug someone but didnt? ANYWAYS OMGTREVORSONLINENOWBAI!

ITS KICK TAG TIME!

well not much is new with me... but for those of you following along on my whole issues with daniel clark story heres a freaking update, whoooo okie yesterday when i stayed after school, mom cassie and daniel had a chat while in the car, hmm... now all of you that know daniel, you may know that he seems to be the perfect child... WHEN AROUND ADULTS! everywhere else hes a little devil, anyways, he made ME seem like the bad person when he was in the car with mom and cassie, mom asked what was up with our not getting along, he said that i said i hated him, now honestly, i have NEVER said those word to him, or even behind his back, i may say hes a bit annoying but really, if you know me, and if yer reading this then you probably do, the ONLY time i say i hate ANYONE is when im joking around with very close friends who can tell when im kidding, or when i get mad at CASSIE no other time seriously.. AND thats no all, he said i STALK HIM, now yes i do admit i stalk people, but not daniel, and hell i TELL the people when im stalking them, well unless its trevor, then most of the time i pop out of no where and just follow him, and really most of the time i AM following trevor i am not freaking stalking daniel, hell, i dont care where the hell i am, even though i seem to see him alot during the day im not following him, im doing MY own thing you know? like when you do your own thing and this one person you end up running into about 16 times, thats like me and daniel, well wether that or hes stalking ME anyways... and LASTLY! the only thing he said that was true, i keep sitting by him in geography, yes i do, but really mostly all i want to do is sit near jared, i dont care where the hell daniel sits, and today i sat as far as humanly possible away from daniel with still being at a desk, in the same classroom and not on joes lap, and with me doing that jared asked why i was sitting over there instead of where i had been sitting for the past couple weeks, and i told him... anyways MY DAY! woke up all early, but atleast i wasnt freezing even though i had taken a shower last night and my hair was all freezing wet, but that was only because i made my bed last night and i had five blankets over me XD and i got all ready and such, then mom and i went to go pick up trevor, we came back and i made some breakfast and we watched cartoons, much like we did last thusrsday morning.. got to school, with no poking ^_^ arent you proud of me? got to school and i wandered off to my locker, then benzies room, then off to find amber, got my sketch book back, glomped trevor twice... so 48 left to goooooo XD science... i was pretty quiet... cause i was upset ^^; geography well... i was upset then too and i sat across the room from daniel as i said, lunch um... i was kind upset at first, and cold, so freaking cold, then we started messing around and we got involved in a game of kick tag that me and trevor started XD i was laughing so hard that it felt like someone hadkicked me in the ribs after i had fallen backwards off a swing and gotten the wind knocked out of me, but i didnt really care, i still went about kicking XD mitch was the hardest, he jumped onto benches and locked us out, french i was really really hyper... but calmed down by then end of the period enough to get un-okie again, and um... yea im just not in the mood for this anymore... SO HERES A FREAKING SONG
SILENT HILL 4 ~ Room of Angel lyrics

-----------------------------

You lie silent there before me
your tears they mean nothing to me
the wind howling at the window
the love you never gave
I give to you

Really don't deserve it
but now there's nothing you can do
so sleep in your only memory of me
my dearest mother

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
goodbye
goodbye

So insignificant
sleeping dormant deep inside of me
are you hiding away lost
under the sewers
maybe flying high in the clouds
perhaps you're happy without me
so many seeds have been sown in the field
and who could sprout up so blessedly
if I had died
I would have never felt sad at all
you will not hear me say I'm sorry
where is the light
wonder if it's weeping somewhere

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye

no more worries for she has returned ^_^

and by she i dont mean me, i mean ashley ^_^ shes back from her long absence YAY so i guess my worryence yesterday at jared birthday party was... non needed, SO sorry i was soooooo.... distant at yer party jared, which brings something else HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED! and you know what that means? happy funeral day to me! thats right, exactly one year last saturday was my funeral day, and you know how i remember that? well last year, it was a friday, and lana said happy funeral day to me and then happy birthday to jared, so i said happy birthday to jared and lana told jared to tell me happy funeral day ^_^ yay for stories, anyways... i got jared a manga "and if you want to know what this means read the manga!" XD anyways... today! i went to acess in hopes to find julianna to talk to her about our skit for french, i didnt find her, however, i wrote "je suis un pirate" on both sides of my shirt and smelled of sharpie the whole day! yay! went to english... and science... HAH trevor made his hair super fluffy, andd... we had a sub that looked like a gnome o_o; gnomes scare the hell out of me... we have one in the backyard and i wont go near it... anyways, we had to take notes... trevor and i failed... XD photography! i loaded film in my camera.. and amber grabbed my boobs XD sometimes amber scares me that was one of those times, geography... hmm now this is part of the day i almost started crying, and you know why? one guy. you know who? DANIEL CLARK, is that SAD or what.. i mean seriously YES i know he has a problem with me DOES HE NEED TO REMIND ME EVERDAY?! NOOOO! but does he!? YES because hes a pussy and wants to feel all high and mighty because he knows i wont hit him, i havent hit him in my life, no matter how much i wanted to, NOW THAT IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT! you all know, some more than others i hit when i get annoyed, i mean FUCKING HELL, you know what he said to me today?! huh!? well ill tell you "dont sit near me or ill kill you" why the hell did he have to say that? I SIT IN THE SAME FUCKING ROW EVERYDAY! you think hed know where to sit NOT to be near me, but my gosh... ever since the school year started hes been so mean to me, pfft... anyways we watched the rest of the movie and half the time i was leaning way over because jareds head was in the way XD lunch... found julianna and we went over our scrip a couple time and glomped ashley, made her scream XD then i went back to where i usually am at lunch, right next to trevor XD saw daniel and got pissed off again for what he said to me and has been saying to me for the past couple weeks, im like the ONLY person he totally hates everyone else hes reletivly nice to, anywayyyss... study hall, i memorized my lines, and then french! first five minutes we were practicing, inwhich julianna and i walked to the bathroom where i put on some heavy eyeliner, and went back to the class all the way saying our lines, then we had to sign up, we got spot 10, which was actually 9 since there was no one, and we were acturally sixth because 3 groups didnt have all of their stuff ready, that was sad... but we did well! ^_^ i only screwed up 2 words, which were benitot i always pronounce it phoneticly instead of "ah bien toe" and couldnt remember how to say j'samuser XD i started stuttering and was like.. "oh... um... wait" and tried a few more times XD but it was fine, then math... a sub... i didnt like him, and then instead of doing homework i wrote a note to trevor XD went to my locker, and there he was, of course XD freakin stalker, but ah well, i love him anyways, anyways we gave him a rideee... TO MY HOUSE! XD yay, and here he was until 5 when we took him home after he sevrely tickled me XD and we came back home and i started this... now i should go do the dishes, read a chapter in to kill a mocking bird and clean my room... damn... i hate doing that... and i like my bed messed up T_T i sleep better if its messed up, seriously i do, my parents dont believe me though... AH WELL BAIBAI

YOU'RE GOING TO WASH OFF THE HOTDOG TASTE!l

well today is a severely gloomy day, and what better for that than a blog post brought to you by angie? i can tell you what else, apple cider, which i think i may go rumage in the cupboards (as i rape them...) for it ^_^... YAY I FOUND0RZ IT! ^_^ only two packets left... dang... i think this is what i thought the last time i made hot cocoa... then realized... hmm no packets left for there are bugs in them... wow i do majorly stupid things on days like this... like i just took the cup of hot water out of the microwave... saw the steam coming off and smelt the steam.. them realized i havent added the mix yet XD and i asked mom how long was the boiling point of water, XD man i come up with stupid things... ANYWAYS back... to um... things... well for about every night for the past week or so ive been having this dreams... all of them involving trevor in some way or another like the other night i had a dream where i switched study halls and i was then in trevors study hall... then the teacher sent me on a quest for waffles and told me to go to the bank at gmhs to retrieve them... then i almost died and then i woked up ^_^but yea... its been weird dreams like that all involving trevor and damn my wrist itches... MENTOS GUM! anyways... yea all i can remember from my dreams is that he was in them, and its really odd when like i wake up and i roll over and i had another dream involving him o_O; anyways, language arts.. OMG I CRIED then onto photography OMG STILL CRYING thhheeenn i went outside with amber to shoot, and i screwed up her pictures on accident T_T i feel so horrible now... she had an awsome picture too... she took a picture right as i was jumping in a puddle... and speking of puddles, at lunch after i signed leahs dress code violation shirt and trevor made my apple explode... and i tooked his sweatshirt cause i was freezing, i splashed in some puddles ^_^ now i bet your thinking "man thats stupid, your already cold and now your going to make your pants wet and your going to be even more cold" well sadly and oddly enough i didnt realize this and i didnt care at the time, all i wanted to do was jump in the puddles, and it was all brought around by other girls jumping in puddles, because the misty rain hadnt occured to me rain=puddles+jump=me anyways, i started eyeing the puddles and trevor noticed and told me no, then jared started jumping in them and i tried running but he held me back XD it was alot like the elevater game... but i got away and splashed in puddles ^_^ and then study hall we played telephone, and it started with soccer is better than football and came out as brandon is a geek XD

*hits a fastforeward button*
hmm... *pause* LOOK THERES JARED LANA AND I WALKING
*play*
lana:what are you doinnggg?
me and jared:walking?
lana: whyyyyyy?
me: because i want to use my legs before i use them?
lana:why do you use your legggsss?
jared: because i cant float *pout*
lana: who diedddd?
*fastforeward*
*stop*
*play*
i had another weird dream last night... i was going to school with chelsea and daniel, but GM was being rebuilt, so we had to go to the church across the street which is trevors church, as chelsea daniel and i are walking across the street i suddenly go "ah hell... i gotgot to go pick up trevor so he could come over this morning" then we see trevor walking up and then i broke down in "im soooo sorrrryyyyy" then we go into the church and go into these different rooms which are suppose to be our classes but were too jam packed to do anything
about then i woke up and it was 3:42am i tried going back to sleep, woke up again at 5, then went bacdk to sleep and woke up at 5:58 to i turned off my alarm and layed for awhile... cold... then finally got up and such... bleh bleh bleh *fastforeward* yea trevor came over... blah blah blah, we went to school... blah blah blah.. OH STOP! *play* in french before our test we did some yoga, because our french teacher is bugged by the fact that we DONT talk, its kinda amusing... were like the best behavied class and she complains... *fast foreward* *pause* well now i MAY just be grounded. great. just when people want to do things.. well whatever i guess -.- anyways...i went to fujis with laura and we made a video its actually sevrely amusing, and i want to steal sonia's cat ginger, she purrs really loud, and um... went home and this is where i am... hmm...
have any of you noticed how innocent middleschool really was? i mean seriously... everyones changing, people do things that they wouldnt have thought of doing two years ago, a bunch of people having sex, and seriously, these are people that i thought would wait... not like as they said all those "sluts" would, and now they all seem like hypicrits, its kinda scary, especially since its even affecting my friends, for example, daniel clark, okie yea i didnt really have anything against him, he was nice towards me and i was fine towards him, infact he was acturally a very good person to talk to when he wasnt trying to show off, then for half a year hes in some other school, and he comes to highschool and man its like.. hes intoxicated by highschool, like... supposivly in elementary school he had a crush on me and now he hates me i mean really, i would have even consitered him a friend before but now hes just like "god angie, why are you sitting so near me" or "angie your so mean and annoying, get away from me" and was i doing ANYTHING to him? no i wasnt, i simply wanted to sit down, its not my fault he sits near where i wanted to sit, FUCKING HELL I DID NOTHING TO HIM! sure, i may have corrected him because i know that HES trying to show off and hes trying to create this false allusion for everyone to believe, okie yea fine i should have just shut up, and you know what? i think im just going to shut up in general, i will not speak my mind unless someone asks me to, because all it seems to get me is people hating me, and you know what, im sick of it, im sick of all of this, i just want to go somewhere where i dont have to worry, i dont want to be in life anymore, anyone elses or my own, i cause too much trouble, i make everyone feel bad, dont deney i dont, i have made everyone upset atleast once, and im so fucking tired of doing that! it is my fault, everything is my fault, speaking of faults, i have many and most people chooise to either point them out or ignore them, I KNOW I HAVE FAULTS I KNOW IM SEVRELY LESS THAN PERFECT! hell im sevrely below average, and all these people trying to give me false hopes on what i might be should just stop. im not great. at all. if i was someone else, hell i would hate myself, no wonder so many people hate me, no wonder people spread rumors about me, I DONT BLAME THEM, hell i agreee with them, i just wish EVERYONE would feel like that so i wouldnt feel so bad when getting attached to people or hurting someone, I DONT WANT TO CARE ANYMORE gosh i wish i was that jaded teen in all those tv shows.. how i wish..AND ANOTHER THING! lets get this clear. i suck at everything. i am not good at drawing and honestly i think i should just stop posting on dA, or carrying around my sketchbook, shop showing people my drawings because THEY SUCK i should just burn everything. anyone wanna help me? clear my folders upon folders of drawings.
NOW that i have even LOWER self esteem, i think i might do the dishes and maybe my homework, but hey whats the point really? were all going to die something, some sooner than others and at this rate of how careless i am it just might be sooner

penny for your thoughts?

i dont like this, i dont like it at all, i could i have missed it, really.... i should have been there, i should have done something, why did it happen, why did she go... my mind is spinning my stomachs twisting, please forgive me for what i feel like doing, please dont worry when you see me crying on the floor, she may be gone, i may act like theres nothing wrong, you never know when youll see someone next, one minute theyre there and the next theyre gone, treasure what you have now for it wont last long

oh em eff gee, ive had a big semi weekend

okie so the weekends only half over butttt... ah well you know what i mean, or atleast you will when im done with this post hopefully, well friday after school i went home, then laura called me as i was eatting nachos and asked if she could come over until mariah came and we could figure out movie plans, so mom and i drove to her dads work and picked her up, brought her back here and we checked movie times and read JtHM and talking about raping cupboards with some of my online friends... and i played DDR ^_^ we finally got a hold of mariah and then there was a bunch of worriedness and calling ashleys house and cody... AND THENNNN um... i dont remember but we finally all of us, being trevor, mariah, laura and i got to the movies and we saw the corpse bride ^_^ i loved it, and it was so fun hanging out with all of them ^_^ um... got home tried writting an e-mail to trevor but mom disccounected he internet without telling me and it was all erased T_T after that cassie and i went to walmart for prezzys for the twins, we were there till about midnight and i was so tired i kept yawning and stumbling around, when we got home, i wrapped presents and cassie was so lazy -.-; i tried sending the e-mail again around 12:40 and the internet was still down... which was odd because cassies was fine, i know this because she was messaging some guy who called her about three times, i finally when to my room and wrote trevor a note instead, but realizing i couldnt remember what i wrote in the e-mail it didnt do much good, especially with how tired i was... not like ANYONE could read it all that well anyways at the end of the note i tried signing my name and looking over it this morning it looks like argdi seriously o_O; and i was trying to put angie XD and its funny because... in the beginning of the note my handwrittings readble and normal size and it progressively gets larger and more unreadable and looks more like scribbles XD im sorry trevor, well after i wrote that i passed out, seriously i dont remember putting my sketch book down bbut it was on the floor when i woke up, which brings up another thing, I HAD ONE OF TEH ODDEST DREAMS LAST NIGHT although all my dreams are pretty odd, but i remember this one VERY well, SO imma tell it ^_^

well first ill have you know that for the past couple of nights ive been having dreams that i cant remember anything but where it happened which was a hotel type thing... but the stairs were much like the type of thing youd find at the playplace at mcdonalds, and then most of upstairs was a playplace, odd eh? ANYWAYS in this dream i guess this was the school, i was in a class and for some reason they were teaching ballroom dancing, so they told us to get with partners, i was about to ask trevor if he wanted to be my partner but he had already asked a girl named amanda, along with about five other guys who asked her, she turned all of them down so trevor came back to me and asked if i wanted to be his partner, course i was alittle hurt i was the second choice and said "well looks like im the rebound girl eh?" and then nodded that i would be his partner, then we along with the rest of the class walked outside, and half of us ate lunch, whiile watching the others being taught, i got done with my soda and threw the bottle over the fence and hit someone, and threw the rest of my trash in a tashcan near by, it was coming up on my and trevors turn to be taught and in the parking lot he and i both spotted, his parents and my mom parking and sitting in the back seat to watch us, suddenly i got really freaked said something about needing to fix my cast or something, grabbed my bag and ran inside, some had thrown up by the doors and i jumped over it and slid when i landed *was in socks for some odd reason* i asked if the bathroom was still out of order in the lobby and they guy said yes so i ran for the stairway, i was part of the way up when i saw trevor peek his head in the double doors, i tried to duck down so he wouldnt see me but my foot slipped (yet again, in socks and its a like playplace stairway) i tried taking off my socks but by the time i started that trevor spotted me and was following, i ditched the sock i took off and franticly tried to get up the rest of the stairs, trevor called after me and i turned my head, and when i did that i tripped over a small fence, and went hurtling into a slide, which i might add i was alittle tall for, i hit my head on one of the support beams over the slide, when i got to the bottom, i had a rubber yellow fish in my hand, and i got yanked away by a teacher yelling at me on why i ditched ballroom dancing class, i was about to say something then another kid from my cast said it wasnt my fault and that i was fixing my cast cause it fell off or something and i had a broken wrist, i looked back at the teacher who was still holding me by the arm and nodded, he let go of my arm and i cradled that arm with my other arm because it was now in pain, the teacher said i had to do a makeup session right then, i sighed and he led the way outside, with me and trevor following, as soon as we got out the doors, i spotted my mom driving around the parking lot, by now it was around 8pm i think, i was dark and such, and the street lights were on, i commented on how my mom still hadnt given up, as we walked down the hill, the teacher went into the back of a van that was out and put on some music, and the teacher instructed us to dance, so i relucktantly put my arms around trevors neck and thats about when i woke up, odd eh? and the really weird part is i still remember it XD

anyways mom woke me up this morning telling me lucy fell and aunt cindy wouldnt be able to take me up to staceys and babysit twins, very bad news, but cassie would take me, at the time that sounded like good news at the time, and later i found out how wrong i was, we made it to staceys with a frew problems but we made it there in one piece, we brought in muffins and found the twins, andrew spotted us first, and cassie put out her arms and said come here, so he smiled and giggled and ran the other direction with a carriage... i cant really remember the right word for it...OH STROLLER! thats it, as soon as samantha say cassie she ditched her plastic shopping cart and ran with her arms outstreatched to cassie, andrew followed and run to me instead of cassie, we went back with their shopping cart and stoller filled with rocks and then we were herded out and we went to our car and in the beginning the u-haul was in front, then mark in his truck followed them and we followed traceys dads van which had the twins in it, yea ok, well the van switched lanes of traffic, which confused the hell out of cassie and i, but yea okie still following the u-haul and mark, well then mark starts slowly going to the other lane not meaning to either, we thought it might not be such a good idea to follow him, then there was a light and only the u-haul got through, so we followed the van the rest of the way and ended up ahead of mark and angel in the truck and tracey and matt in the u-haul, well we got to the new appartment and cassie and i took charge of the twins, we got into the apartment and in andrew and samanthas new room, which... consisted of four walls and brown carpet... that was about all that was interesting in there, seriously, well we tried to play some board games but appartently the twins have a shorter attention span than i do, which is severly sad if you know me, okie so yea this wasnt all that bad, but everytime the twins wanted something cassie would order me to do it, okie yea whatever, but when she tells them to gang up on me thats not ok, yes they all ganged up on me, and yea it might not sound bad because all they were doing was tickling me, but then cassie layed on me so i wouldnt move, which hurt my rips, PLUS because they were tickling me i would scream every so often, then cassie would glare at me and tell me not to scream because its an appartment complex, GEE YOUR FUCKING TICKLING ME AND CRUSHING ME AND YOU TELL ME NOT TO SCREAM!? fine... freaking hell... well then sam wrapped her arms around my neck and i gave her a piggy back ride when i put sam back down i almost fell backwards and in my attempt to save me from falling on my back and hurting sam, i ended up cracking the middle of my foot, which hurt like hell, then her and andrew went on cassies back, well then she made me let them on my back, i went around and sam pulled my hair, and about straggled me with my own shirt because cassie wasnt holding her up e_e; when i finally collaped, cassie sat on me along with sam and andrew, sam continued to pull my hair, and cassie tickled me as she was sitting on me, which caused me to jerk and kick and i ended up kicking andrew a couple times in the process and i begged cassie to stop because i knew that was going to happen, but no, she tickled me more, after a couple minutes it was becoming unbarably hard to breathe and i could feel my face getting red from lack of oxygen, when she finally got off of me i sat up and gasped for breath, but did cassie care? no she laughed at my face being so red, w. t. f. man... by now i was severly worn out from being climbed on and layed on the floor, which i guess is an open invite for andrew to climb all over me, and same with cassie but if he tries climbing on her she tells him to climb on me instead, so while hes climbing on me i try drawing on a semi etch-a-sketch thing... not sure what its really called... but atleast it kept my mind off the pain in my back, but that was severly short lived, cassie took it and erased it, not like it was much though, mostly i was doodling trevors name ^^;;;; when i finally got it back and went back to doodling cassie took it again and i have to wait till she was distracted with her phone to take a picture of what i had doodled before she erased it, after a bit stacey got home and she started cooking lunch while the others moved things into the twins room and other places, but now i was kinda in a bad mood, especially with cassie, when they brought the mattresses in i was sitting against a wall, cassie dropped one of them on me and i just looked at her, and she told me to get up, but by then the twins were climbing over the matress that was half on me which hurt my foot even more, i tried telling them to get off the matress so i could get up and cassie just kept bitching at me like it was my fault they were on the damn thing, when i finally got up, we waited for a bit and got the bed frames well cassie yelled at me to move, and me being mad randomly decided to stick up for myself, and i asked if i could get a please, she said no and told me to move again, so i asked for a please and she said hell no, so i stood right where i was, she yanked the mattress away from me and i stood in my place, she put the mattress on the bed frame and pushed the bed frame into my shins, and still i stood where i was, after alittle bit i was feeling a bit dizzy and sat down where i had been standing, stacey gave us the sheets for their beds and cassie asked if i could help make their beds, and she said please so i moved from my spot and made samanthas bed, which some difficulties, sam kept trying to lay in it while i was making it and i kept picking her up and tring to make it again, finally lunch was done and we went to go eat, but cassie and aunt charlie had to grab the twins table so they could eat along with their chairs, well aunt charlie grabbed a chair and the table and all cassie had was a chair, so i asked if she could please grab the last waterbottle, because i had sams, and i had cassie and my pop and didnt have a hand to grab it, she plainly told me no and i explained i didnt have any hands left and she did, and asked her again, and she said no, so i went anyways and went back for the waterbottle when i had set down the rest of our drinks, well except when we got to tha paitio cassie snatched her soda, cassie, samantha, andrew, aunt charlie and i ate spagetti on the patio, when cassie was done she stacked her plate ontop of mine while i was still eatting, so i figured... fine ill stop eating and threw all of our trash away, then we waited in the living room for a bit and i suggested we go home, because i wanted to take a shower before coming here, so we drove home i got bitched at more by cassie, when we got home i went in search of a phone to call mom and aunt cindy to tell them we were home, and cassie yelled at me to get into the shower fast, and i yelled back i was going to call them like i promised, she yelled to hurry the hell up because she wanted to take a shower too, so i called them and took my shower, and took a fast one too so i wouldnt use up all the hot water, when i was done i yelled down the stairs she could take her shower now, and she made me make her lunch, so while the microwave was going i wrote another e-mail to trevor and gave cassie her lunch and then got packed, when i was done with that i went back to the computer, and within ten minutes aunt cindy was there, we talked a bit and i went with her up the mountain, we stopped and got dinner and came here (my aunts house) while we were serving dinner my phone went off and i answered it and i think it was trevor, but the call didnt last long, it was
me: hello?
him: hello..?
me: hi?
him: helloooo...?
me: uh... whats up?
then i heard a click and i was hung up upon... and went back to getting my dinner, figuring hed call back, but that didnt happen so ah well, after dinner i went upstairs and this is where ive been since writting this... soooooo if youve gotten all the way through this, i hope you had a hell of alot better day than i did, im in so much pain especially my back T_T ... ah well... who cares if im in pain eh? ^^; BAI!

So the tables have turned, And the stalker is now the stalkee.

welll! apparently some people are calling this kid in my phorography class my stalker, today during photography when everyone was playing with their cameras, amber and i sat around i drew in her sketchbook because she wanted me to, if youd like to see what i drew in there look..... http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/23154305/ <~ there, well as i was drawing that this kid who everyone thinks is the teachers pet, and some think hes in love with the photography teacher XD well as i was drawing apparently he was taking many photos of me, after he went somewhere else amber and alex told me i had a stalker and i looked around very confused, and they said it was him o_O and that kid kinda weirded me out anyways... hes kinda like daniel was in elementary school... and middle school.. where like... they do really well in school and alot of people find them annoying, you know the type right? well i mean im nice to him, hell im nice to about everyone, even jessica -.- but like... every time im looking somewhere in his direction i can see him look straight at me, well... i highly doubt hes looking at ANYTHING past me, cause i sit in the corner... and theres only a door behinf me and a board with only black paper on it, and a table, but theres nothing really interesting there... and hes always asking my opinion on his things its kinda odd...
and semi on this subject, people know who i am! and i dont know who the hell they are, i really hate that, more than i hate people not knowing who they are, like this kid... i think his name is robert... in my french class... he was one of the people staring at my shoes the first day, and at me... but you cant really blame him i was at the front of the class, but he knows my name... which is odd and i find him looking at me alot... and he sits at the front of the room and i sit in the back... on the side in a far corner.. AND! one of the lauras older sisters is in my french class and yesterday she told me a bunch of people were talking about me and she specified nothing bad, and that one of them said the should go find me and such o_O i hate it e_e trevor says i should just find these people and make friends, but really i have no idea who these people are... as in i know no names is what i was gett

...damnit! stupid thing had errors and only recovered this much... AH WELL! if you wanna know what i said ask me... if i dont remember TOO BAD!

So the tables have turned, And the stalker is now the stalkee.

welll! apparently some people are calling this kid in my phorography class my stalker, today during photography when everyone was playing with their cameras, amber and i sat around i drew in her sketchbook because she wanted me to, if youd like to see what i drew in there look..... http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/23154305/ <~ there, well as i was drawing that this kid who everyone thinks is the teachers pet, and some think hes in love with the photography teacher XD well as i was drawing apparently he was taking many photos of me, after he went somewhere else amber and alex told me i had a stalker and i looked around very confused, and they said it was him o_O and that kid kinda weirded me out anyways... hes kinda like daniel was in elementary school... and middle school.. where like... they do really well in school and alot of people find them annoying, you know the type right? well i mean im nice to him, hell im nice to about everyone, even jessica -.- but like... every time im looking somewhere in his direction i can see him look straight at me, well... i highly doubt hes looking at ANYTHING past me, cause i sit in the corner... and theres only a door behinf me and a board with only black paper on it, and a table, but theres nothing really interesting there... and hes always asking my opinion on his things its kinda odd...
and semi on this subject, people know who i am! and i dont know who the hell they are, i really hate that, more than i hate people not knowing who they are, like this kid... i think his name is robert... in my french class... he was one of the people staring at my shoes the first day, and at me... but you cant really blame him i was at the front of the class, but he knows my name... which is odd and i find him looking at me alot... and he sits at the front of the room and i sit in the back... on the side in a far corner.. AND! one of the lauras older sisters is in my french class and yesterday she told me a bunch of people were talking about me and she specified nothing bad, and that one of them said the should go find me and such o_O i hate it e_e trevor says i should just find these people and make friends, but really i have no idea who these people are... as in i know no names is what i was getting at trevor, theres a hell of alot of people at GM im not going to go up to a bunch of people and go "HEY! DO YOU KNOW ME!?" plus.... im not good with making random friends unless they are severly younger than me... like five o_o cause five year olds dont judge people XD if yer fun to play with yer in, yea... sure i may look like the person that makes friends easily but thats just ecause they talk to me first o_o; but julianna and i find it amusing when people volenteer to pass out papers and they dont know who anyone in the class is, so theyre just shouting out names and watching for who jerks there head up and says what, or in my case "qu'est-ce que c'est?" XD it was funny, some kid said my name and i did that and then realized i was in french class and it was good to spek french XD
well about the title, no i havent stalked any of the people talked about knowing me in this entry... well cept trevor, he was mentioned somewhere, and even then i havent been stalking him as much... or anyone really, i think im starting to recoil into my isolation again, but yea... i think i had more to say but im out of it... SO! ZOB ZOMBIE LYRICS!


Rob Zombie Scum Of The Earth lyrics
Scum of the earth
Come on
Yeah
Run and kill
Destroy the will
A hero that doesn't exist
Yeah
Smoking gun
Well i am the one
A bullethole in your fist
Yeah
Hey,i'm breathing
Hey,i'm bleeding
Hey,i'm screaming
Scum of the earth
Come on (x2)
Yeah
Wake up dead
Bleeding red
A world that doesn't exist
Yeah
Heaven waits
With the gates
Rusting in the mist
Yeah
Yeah
Hey,i'm breathing
Hey,i'm bleeding
Hey,i'm screaming
Scum of the earth
Come on (x2)
Go (x12)
Yeah
Run and kill
Destroy the will
A hero that doesn't exist
Yeah
Smoking gun
Well i am the one
A bullethole in your fist
Yeah
Hey,i'm breathing
Hey,i'm bleeding
Hey,i'm screaming
Scum of the earth
Come on (x2)
Hey(x6) Scum of the earth
Hey(x6) Scum of the earth
Hey(x6) Scum of the earth
Hey(x6) Scum of the earth


Rob Zombie House Of 1000 Corpses lyrics

She got a corpse
under her bed
She had her fun
but now he's dead
Hear momma said
come feed desire
Her brother said
hey, throw him on the fire
This is the house
come on in
This is the house
built on sin
This is the house
nobody lives
This is the house
you get what you give
I cut the flesh
and make it bleed
Fresh skin
is what i need
I let it dry
out in the wood
All your crying
did no good, yeah
This is the house
come on in
This is the house
built on sin
This is the house
nobody lives
This is the house
get what you give
Now you're lying
on the floor
Yeah, you can't
take anymore
The devil's laughing
in your face
Give me another taste, yeah
This is the house
come on in
This is the House
built on sin
This is the house
nobody lives
This is the house
get what you give

YAY NECROPHISIACS!

Living Dead Girl

Rage in the cage
And piss upon the stage
There’s only one sure way
To bring the giant down
Defunct the strings
Of cemetary things
With one flat foot
On the devil’s wing

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living dead girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living dead girl

Raping the geek
And hustling the freak
Like a hunchback juice
On a sentimental noose
Operation filth
They love to love the wealth
Of an ss whore
Making scary sounds

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living dead girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living dead girl

Psyclone jack
Hallucinating hack
Thinks donna reed
Eats dollar bills
Goldfoot machine
Creates another fiend
So beautiful,
They make you kill

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living dead girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living dead girl

Blood on her skin
Dripping with sin
Do it again
Living dead girl

Blood on her skin
Dripping with sin
Do it again
Living dead girl

yup... um... i did had a mind set... before... while i was coping lyrics... but today during math sometime after trevor came in with brittneys books and left i randomly felt like crying and or hitting someone, weird eh? i hate when im like this, i isolate myself and get mad way too easily...
TOTALLY RANDOM SUBJECT CHANGE! trevors an idiot... or rather does stupid things willingly and knowingly, like spraying freakin listorine in his eye and snorting it it was really sad...and it really sucked to see him in pain like that, that HE caused -.-; man i wish cassie and i liked the same shows... invader zim is on... and cassie wont let me watch it T_T...hmm... wonder if dads watching anything important o_o; oh well nevermind ive seen that one twice this week ^^; um... um um um... have you ever like... no matter what you did you keep thinking of something that happened before... and it scares you? like... it was totally out of character for someone to do that and it just like... surprized you totally and you havent been able to stop thinking about it since... no matter what you do? and its hard to look at that person the same way you did before? thats houw ive been feeling for the past couple of weeks e_e it sucks..and another thing... have you ever not been able to think of someone?like no matter what you do something reminds you of them? and them thinking about them that much just makes you miss them? im like that too e.e ANYWAYS i got a new poster, so imma go try to hang it up in my room ^_^ ..somewhere..

Most people have an invisible friend... They call him god.

dont ask about the title, i finished listening to a rant by my friend sick-little-wolfboy... about god and such... my gosh ok have any of you seen the carls jr commercial with the song that goes like... "shake that thang" and so on, it just looks like that guy is trying to rape the cow... o_O;; but as i always say, you cant rape the willing ^^; yup... have you just have had a hell of alot of doubts in your mind? especially about yourself? questions you have that only time can tell? thats how i feel right now, along with alot of other things, like... am i really at all that great of a friend? i can be so cruel to people... and i know i am, im not sure why it just happens, and... i hurt people alot, with sarcasm or with my hands, which is why i normally dont like hving contact with people... for fear im going ot hurt them.. have you ever had the feeling that some people just pretend to like you, but really to them your just a leech? have you ever had people talk about how much they hate you while youre right there? have you ever had people go "oh god i have to sit next to them!?" or "dont tell me im their partner!" then when they go up to you they tell you stuff that your good and all that crap? have you ever had people put you down only to have other people say that the one who you think hates you very being likes you? have you ever hated yourself just for listening to those people? have you ever felt so pressured to fit in you changed everything about yourself? have you ever felt afriad to express yourself? have you ever walked a certain way to your classes just to maybe get a glance of the one you love? have you ever walked faster in the halls just to avoid ones who may torment you? have you ever felt that no matter what you did you would never be good enough? have you ever cried at night because you miss someone? have you ever wept into your pillow wishing to be held only to be left with music as your only comfort? have you ever wanted to walk to someones house in the middle of the night... and just sit on their front porch, and actually feel content because theyre near? have you ever been so scared of what people might think of you you kept quiet and hoped no one would notice? have you ever... just for a tiny moment had someone made you feel like you were ontop of the world, only to have that alternate reality shattered by one phone ring? have you ever just wanted to stop time right where you were so you could be happy forever? have you ever just hurt yourself just to know you can still feel? have you ever wondered if what we think is reality is really just a dream? have you ever missed someone so much that you couldnt stop crying? have you ever missed someone just 3 minutes after they left? have you ever jumped on a trampoline for so long that when you got up you still had the feeling that you were still jumping? have you ever had about that same feeling when yous hugged someone for so long... that even after they leave you can still fee their warmth? have you ever had just the smell of something that made you feel good from the memories attached to it? those are just... SOME of the questions 9i have floating around in my head... although theyre not really in question form... rather than memory form... for all of that has happened... anyways... i should finish eatting dinner XD baiii