Update.(s)

I'm allowed 3 hours per week with friends. Had to start somewhere right? Sadly 3 hours is still not enough for me.

I really just want a hug right now. Things have been kinda weird. James is not moving anymore, and neither is Anthony. Bekah is already gone and Sam is moving. I got pissed at Marty for dropping my camera although it was partly my fault too. Punched him. Later that day we talked again and everything was fine. Today I leapt into his arms repeatedly as if nothing had ever happened. Bryan. Well I don't know what's going on there. Rumors are is that he and Ariel might have given it another shot, but I'm not sure I believe that. He and I keep having these really random times of being close, then he doesn't trust me anymore. Then we get close again, then he pulls away. Not sure what to think. Things are just so much easier when I don't think about what will happen between him and I at all and just have fun with him. Cody pulled me away to ask me if Bryan liked me, and if I liked him. I paused for a moment then shrugged and said I didn't know. I think that confused him a lot that I didn't know if I liked him or not. I guess I do. But... It's hard to tell. Cody has been acting kinda weird around me. I keep getting the vibe he might have a crush on me. I really hope I'm wrong on that though. Kelsey and Marty break up repeatedly and it confuses the hell out of me. I'm kinda starting to think that Kelsey's more trouble than she's worth. She's my friend and all, but she needs to make up her mind. She keeps hurting Bryan and Marty. Bryan decided to start cutting. He didn't get far because of the pain. I told him what I tend to tell everyone. "As long as you do it. I'll do it too." Stupid thing to do. Yea I know. But if they care about me enough they stop. Or they start lying about it, which I already tried covering with Bryan. I hope he stops. Hell, I just hope he finds some happiness. Rayne got a girlfriend. One week and Rayne's already sick of her. And I still want my makeout session with Rayne. We're getting kicked out of the Cubby again because stupid people keep writing on the walls. Bryan has figured out where my sensitive spots are and uses them to his advantage, atleast when he can pin me down. Which isn't very often. I'm not quite sure how he feels about me, but I don't really want to ask. I miss all of my friends horribly. Being grounded sucks.

Challenge much?

Imma sneaky ninja. A sick sneaky ninja.
So still grounded. But I have phone privliges now. For how long I'm not sure.
People kinda tick me off sometimes. Namely: Bryan. I know people keep saying "He's not worth it" and such. But I think he is. I don't really care that he's hurt me a couple times. I don't even think about it anymore. I want him to be happy. I know I'm not the person to make him happy, but I still want to help him through his problems. I really do. I get so sick of people saying that they don't want to put more problems ontop of the ones I have. I don't care if I already have problems! I want to do everything in my power to try to help people. Bryan keeps telling me that no one can help him. Well sometimes it's just good to vent to people you know? And he doesn't trust me enough to vent to me. I know this. But I don't know why. It's not like I'm a threatening person to begin with. After someone tells me something I'm not going to run off to plot their downfall. No, I'm not like that. Just... Erg. I hate this. I hate how he changes the subject everytime I try to talk to him about what's bothering him. I hate how he can't tell me stuff. I hate being just like everyone else. I hate how he always thinks I hate him. I hate how much I care. I hate that I still like him. I hate how he thinks so lowly of himself. I hate how he says I should give up. I hate how he lies about being happy. I hate how upset I get over small things. I hate how he hates himself. I hate hate.


I had a dream last night. It kinda worries me. In the dream. There was this guy. He was the perfect guy. Everything I could ever want. He loved me. But I didn't love him. I just couldn't bring myself to love him back. Even after telling him I didn't love him he was calm about it. And said he still loved me. Nothing changed, he just still loved me. What if that does happen to me? Crap.

Then I had a totally random dream where I dry humped a girl. Just thought you'd all love to know that.

Grounded.

That's right. I won't be posting much. I'm grounded. Why? Because I got a stupid D in geometry last semester. So Mom woke me up this morning with disappointment. The bad thing about my parents is they're not experienced with grounding me. They were fine with grounding Cassie, but she also had worse grades than I do. When my parents ground me they tend to be very vague on my Can and Can't Do's. All they really made clear was No mall, and No friends. Okay. I can understand that. When I asked about other specifics they named off every other activity I could possibly do. No phone, no computer, no T.V., no going out, no IM, no text, no school events, which I don't think includes TAU, etc. Well. She said it kind of jokingly. So I'm not entirely sure what I'm suppose to do. I'm not entirely sure on when I get ungrounded or anything really. Mom said she'd check grades to see if I could do things on weekends, but then she said I was going to be bored until six week grades came out. So... What?
I don't know.

Shun the non-believer. Shhhhhhun. Shhhhhhhhhhh....huuuuunnn.

So. Bryan decided he didn't want a relationship.
Same night Bryan told me such, Kelsey and Marty broke up.
Next day, they're back together.
Bryan realizes he's in love with Kelsey.
Kelsey crushes his spirits.
I pick up some of the pieces.
I have mental breakdowns galore.
Call people at 3:00am because I was crying and needed some sense beat into me. Only person to answer: Lana. Her and Ariel A. cheered me up. Or atleast calmed me down.
I had another mental breakdown last night while I was on the phone with Bryan. He was just about asleep when I went into crying fits. He tried to cheer me up and refused to get off the phone until I fell asleep. I don't remember if my phone died before or after I fell asleep, but I woke up with it off.
Bryan says he knows the reasons for my meltdowns, but I'm not sure if he's right.
He knows I don't totally forgive him for hurting me all those times, even though I keep trying to.
I want a sandwich.




EDIT:
Oh and I forgot. Speedy's still mad at me apparently. Yippy.

Who's Razor is on the phone?

Finals day today. Ehhh. I woke up around 7:30, got ready and left for school around 8:00. Found none of my friends this morning, and went to American History to take my WW2 test. I've been seriously out of it all day, I walked in and told Ms. Starman that I was coming to take the WW3 test. Face-palm moment there. Rayne gave me Faygo. I took my test and left for the commons. Hung out with Meg, Sasha, and Allison. Meg was ticking me off. We got kicked out of the corner again. I hate sitting at the tables in the commons because it hurts my back, but they dont let us sit on the floor anywhere anymore. Speedy gave me hugs. So I guess he's not mad at me. Went back to American History for my AMhistory final. I think I bombed them both. After the test I draw happy pictures to prove to Bryan that I can draw happy stuff. Misa helped. Went to photography. Food-critique today. Julianna and I were volenteered to go to the teachers lounge to heat up food. On the way back Caitlin got to me and hugged me. She skipped photography and that made me sad. After that I went to find Caitlin. Found Bryan and Ariel. Gave Bryan happy drawings. Found Jacqi. Marty gave me Fable for Xbox to play. But if I can't beat it im going to be very sad. We found Caitlin, went to the hill for awhile. But on the way to the hill Josh and another kid were in a fight. Every time one of the security guards tried to get Josh to stop he yelled "Get off me" and shook them off. By the time we got there, the other kid's shirt was torn and hanging from his waist. One of the other security guards came and they held them apart and took them away to the office. We finished our mission to the hill. When we started walking to the bus stop, Bryan, Laurel, and Misa were walking infront of us. If I hadn't been so... Bleh, I probably would have fun to hug them all. Waited at the bus stop. Texted Bryan. Took bus till a couple blocks from Jacqi's house. Walked the rest of the way. Ran into some people that Caitlin knew. Something something Weed, something something, blazed, something something something else, Angie-pants, something something Pants? something something Bye. Walked the rest of the way to Jacqi's. Sat in silence for awhile. Jacqi went online. Caitlin and I layed on the couch. Watched some Charmed. Played some cards. Laughed till I cried. More couch. Erica came over. She brought the book I was reading in photography yesterday and is letting me borrow it. SLUT. That's what Erica called the book. Apparently its been lent out alot. Hugs. Thanks. Erica left. Looked at the drawing Bryan gave me. Took me awhile to figure out I was holding it upside-down. Sitting around. Dannica came over. More sitting around. Said bye to Caitlin. I had another face-palm moment. "Who's Razor is on the phone?" Caitlin left for a walk. Jacqi ate. I curled up on the couch. Jacqi said she was worried about me. Mmm. I hate when I worry people. Dannica came back after stooping and leaving. Mom came and picked me up. Went home. Ate. And here I am. Erg. Whatever.

Round three? FTW.

Round three of snow. Gosh. Freaking hell. Why?
I think the weather along with my parents hate me spending too much time with my friends.

News News News.
Bryan and I are okay again. And even flirting again and stuff. Not really awkward at all anymore except that I keep wondering if I'm annoying him.
Misa comes back from Florida today.
The laundry room is flooding again, so that means no showers for Angie. Gosh I feel dirty.
Ariel and Bryan tolerate eachother. Although Bryan still thinks Ariel hates him.
Speedy cancelled on hanging out with me today to get his project done. Gosh I hate this. Everytime I make plans with him something happens. I'm fed up with it and jusst about to give up. The only people who seem to really make an effort to hang out with me are Steven, Kelsey, and Bryan. Although that might stop soon since Misa's coming back. And I'm not saying I don't want to hang out with Misa or anything, but when she's with Steven she's normally not really in the mood for other people. She was kinda ticked that Steven was hanging out with all of her friends all the time when he didn't do that when Misa was here. So it made it seem like we liked Steven more. Although, you should seen us when we first just say Steven without Misa. We were pretty dissappointed.
I went to Kelsey's yesterday and well. Mom was pissed when I had to go home. She expected me to wait outside, and I thought she was going to call my phone when she got to Kelsey's. Well it turns out she didnt have her phone, and had to drive home to get it just to call me.
Misa heard about what happened during truth or dare with Kelsey, Steven, Bryan, me, and sometimes Marty and Ariel. She's none too happy and wants revenge. But I guess since I was the best she has no need to get revenge on me. Yay for not cuddling with her boyfriend =D I hope she's not too terribly mad at all of us..


Good song:

Don't poke the fucking bear!

So, yesterday was an odd day. I woke up around noon and watched V for Vendetta which I am borrowing from Ariel. Such an amazing movie.
After movie time, and the struggle with setting up my DVD player to watch said movie, I went online and called Ariel. Ariel and I decided to go over to Kelsey's house. I got directions to Ariels house, and we rushed out the door to pick up Ariel. On the way over to Kelsey's house we got into this weird conversation with how it'd just be awsome to be able to teleport. There would be no need for cars or roads and so that big cloud of pollution downtown wouldn't be there. Course there are the cons of teleporting in on someone at the wrong times. And what the hell would happen if you teleported to the same place as someone else at the same time? Ah well.
Kelsey's house we talked, and maybe it was a bad thing for us to get together. Being the three girls who seem to want to be the downfall of Bryan. But actually, I'm not even mad at him anymore. Yea okay, what he did wasn't the best and it did hurt, but it's okay. Well it turns out that Kelsey really did know too much about everything. Bryan was going to choose Ariel. Sadly, Kelsey was right, and Ariel was on the rebound and had no actual feelings for Bryan. We told me him after he said he was going to choose Ariel. He was already depressed and that just made things worse. He wasn't eatting and now he just wanted to die. Overly dramatic much? I spent hours trying to convince him to eat. He refused. We texted him and such while we were at Kelsey's. Steven texts me and says, "So I hear you guys are plotting against Bry... Can I help?" So we called him, course he was kidding about helping us plot, but he did actually help. We devised a plan to kiddnapp Bryan. Course the downfall of kiddnapping him is that it has to be okay with his parents. Steven went to go get him, but his parents forced him to watch them eat, then he could leave. Ftw? I don't know why they didn't just make him eat. They had to have noticed that he hasn't been eating for a couple days. So while were waiting for Bryan and Steven to come, we ate ravioli ^_^ Love that. Bryan and Steven came and we had some fun there, Bryan didn't seem too terribly bad. We did however attack Bryan and Steven with a disposable camera. Bryan hid it several times in his back pockets and such, but that didn't stop Kelsey and I for going for it. Kelsey and Ariel attacked Steven a lot. I stole the awsome chair, and after awhile, I realized Bryan hadn't been apart of anything for awhile. I look behind the chair and there he is. Sitting with his head down and his legs crossed. I poked him, and he did nothing. I pokes him a couple more times, still nothing. I tried talking to him. Nothing. I got out of the chair and sat nxt to him. I knew somethign was wrong and I kept asking him. The only question he responded to was "Are you mad at me?" He shook his head no. Everything else he didn't move. "Do you want me to leave you alone?" "Bryan, what's wrong?" "Come on Bryan, you can talk to me." I awkwardly hugged him because he was sitting in a corner. I unfolded his arms and legs and tried to push up his head. He didn't do anything. I layed my head on his shoulder and tried talking to him, maybe he'd only answer yes or no questions. So I asked him more of those. Nothing. He finally said something like "You can't help me". But I promised him I wasn't going to leave him, and I kept pestering the hell out of him for him to tell me. Ariel had to leave around 8, so I got up and hugged her but went right back to sitting next to Bryan. I tried to move him so I could hug him less awkwardly. That didn't work, he went limp and tried to slump totally forward. He ended up falling over and laying on the floor. So I layed down and got eye level with him again. I scratched his back to hopefully be some sort of comfort to him. When I tried to brush glitter out of his hair he moved my hand away. He told me that it was pointless to try to help him, and yet again I assured him I wasn't going to leave him. I kinda talked to Steven and Kelsey while on the floor with Bryan. Kelsey's mom turned on the lights and I looked down at Bryan. There were tears on his arm and his nose. I brushed the tears off and asked him what was wrong. He stared at the floor. I pestered some more and he turned his head away from me. I tried talking to him more and just sighed and layed by him. In the mist of Kelsey's mom yelling that we shouldn't have the light off, Bryan went into the bathroom to cry. Kelsey dragged him back and he stole the awsome chair. I sat next to the chair and tried talking to him more. He still didn't talk, and if he did all he said was I was wasting my time. I told him I didn't think I was, and still went on pestering him. Man I'm one stubborn girl. I tried sitting with me and he wouldn't let me. I got mad and went to knee him in the leg. I kneed the chair on accident, and started laughing saying that it hurt. I curled up on the floor for a couple minutes, and Bryan turned his back to me. I went to the other side of the chair and just sat there staring at him. He'd look ar me for a little bit then glance away, then look back, and glance away again. I sat there for atleast 15 minutes just staring at him. He told me to stop it but i didn't move. He turned his back on me again and I still didnt move. After alittle bit we had to leave, under orders of Kelsey's mom. Steven gave Bryan and I a ride home. He took Bryan home first, which didnt make sense to me because my house was on the way to Bryan's. I figured maybe Steven wanted to talk about the night with me. On the way to Bryan's I still just stared at him. It bugged him. He'd turn his head just enough to look back to see if I was still watching him, then turn his head quickly in the order direction. Steven and I talked about Bryan on the way over to my house, and we said our goodbyes. When I got into the house I went downstairs and called Bryan. That's just how persistant I was. I eventually got him to open up, then he hung up with me to call Ariel. She didn't answer. According to Kelsey, Ariel's glad to be rid of Bryan. Harsh. He called me back and I tried some more for pestering, then he hung up with me to call Kelsey. When he called me back he had a different attitude. It was weird. Instead of being all down about himself, he wouldn't stop telling me sorry. "I'm sorry" "For what?" "Hurting you. Doing what I did." "It's okay" "No, it's not" that's about the jist of the conversation. He wouldn't take "it's okay" for an answer. He kept saying that I should just hate him. He apologized for not opening up before. He apologized for being so mean when I was the only one trying to help. He told me I should just leave him out of my life because he's afriad of hurting me. All the time I kept telling him it's okay, and he wouldn't believe me. He says I deserve happiness, and I told him he did too. But he doesnt believe me. I don't know how to convince him nothing needs to be fixed.

In other news. Ducky is harassing Muffin and she scratched the hell out of my wrist when I picked her up away from him. Kinda hurts. If she would have been alittle bit to the left, she could have hit the major vein. Gosh she cuts deep.

What a Lame New Years.

I hope you all had a good NewYears because I sure as hell didn't. Let me explain. Long story here, at the end I'll give a short version for all you people that don't like to read much.

New years party at Kelsey's house. I was going to go to Bryan's house before hand to hang out with him Steven and possibly Misa. No such luck on Misa, she's in Florida, no one seemed to know. It took me awhile to get to Bryan's because Cassie's car got stuck. Eventually I got there, Steven wasn't there yet. Bryan played videogames and I watched. After awhile he turned the videogames off and we sat and talked. Kinda. He more of tried to tickle me. We called Steven and he came over. We went to the door and got confused when Misa was not at his side. He said she was in Florida, and we all went to the basement again. Steven played video games and Bryan and I watched. Bryan held me on the couch and we were acting very lovey dovey because I planned on going out with Bryan after talking to Speedy. Steven kept calling Bryan and I cute, and we both kept telling him to shut up. I was quite content. Around 6ish we walked over to Steven's house to get his car to drive over to Kelsey's for the party. Kelsey handed out bracelets and necklaces and people continually complained about how quiet I was. The party consisted of Ariel, Bryan, Kelsey, Marty, Steven, and me. Being the teenagers we are we got into a game of truth or dare. We all kinda sucked at thinking up truths or dares on our own so it was more of group truths or group dares. We all seemed to go into pairs. Bryan and me. Kelsey and Marty. And the two left over: Steven and Ariel. Course, with us being teenagers, a lot of the dares had to do with kissing or gropeing. Ariel had to leave at 8 because of her mother. We all went on, and for Steven's amusement he made a dare for Kelsey and Marty. Every time someone said the word 'lame' they had to kiss. No big deal they're dating. Either Kelsey or Marty dared Bryan and I the same thing. It was supose to last an hour. You never really realize how many times people say 'lame' until you get a dare like that. Later in the night, we called Ariel to make her apart of the circle again. We put her on speakerphone and everything. My back started hurting and I claimed the bed, and tried to sleep. It's a lot easier that way, no one trys to pester you to talk more. They all assumed I was asleep when I stopped replying to "Angie's asleep" with "No she isn't." I never ended up falling asleep no matter how hard I wanted to or how much I tried. Maybe it was a good thing. Ariel was taken off of speaker phone to talk to Kelsey. From what I could hear, which was Kelsey's end, Ariel has a crush on Bryan. Bryan assumed such too. He ended up talking to Ariel on the phone for close to the rest of the night. He never got rid of his feelings for Ariel. Now he has a conflict to settle. Who to choose: Ariel, or Angie? Around 20 till midnight someone turned on the lights and I started moving around. They said they were sorry for waking me, and I told them that I hadn't been sleeping. I think that's when Bryan realized what he did. I didn't really talk to anyone for the rest of the time they were there. Bryan tried to make things better. He tried hugging me but I wouldn't even look at him. I kept trying to tell myself not to cry. Don't cry Angie. It's okay. It would have happened eventually. Don't worry Angie, things will be okay. When Bryan and Steven had to leave, I was curled up in a corner. Bryan tried to hug me. This really awkward hug because I was in a corner. He said that I could call him later if I wanted to talk. Or if I didn't want to talk to him ever again, he'd understand. That statement made me cry. After all that convincing myself I'd be okay, I started crying. Steven saw I was upset and told me to feel better. When they left, Kelsey and Marty came back to me to try to help me. Marty was in a horrible mood, I never really knew how short his temper was. Kelsey tried to console me and get Marty to calm down. Marty was so ticked that Bryan could do something like that to me, after leading me on almost all night. Kelsey told me everything would be okay. After alittle bit, Marty had to leave too. I was spending the night at Kelsey's. When Marty got up to leave, he waved to me because I wouldn't hug anyone before. I jumped off the bed and hugged him and ended up crying harder. Kelsey told me she'd be right back and she walked Marty to the door and said her goodbyes. I sent a text to Bryan telling him to do whatever made him happiest. Kelsey came back and I cried some more. I sent texts back and forth to Bryan, and so did Kelsey. I tried to get my mind off things by playing checkers with Kelsey. I lost horribly even with cheating. Mind you she watched me cheat and said nothing. Such obvious cheating too. She still won. We started texting Steven too. Eventually, Steven just called us and we talked to him over speakerphone. We verbally bashed Bryan. Along with sending some not so pleasent texts to him too. What can I say? I was freaking hurt. He chose Ariel. Kelsey told him that she was only on the rebound from Johnie, and that Ariel would only use him, not on purpose of course. She told him that I actually liked him, and Ariel only kinda did. Ariel felt bad. She didn't want him to know she liked him. She wanted me and Bryan to work out. She didn't want to hurt mine and her friendship. Kelsey and I stayed on the phone with Steven till around 4am. Kelsey and I talked till five. And I spent some odd more hours thinking and yet more crying.

Great way to start the New year. Drama Drama and more Drama.

Short version: Bryan led me on, then jumped at the first chance to go out with Ariel.

I kinda wish that she crushes him into the ground or something. Then I feel bad for thinking that. I'm in a weird mood. Don't mind me for awhile.

Blizzard part two calls for a Movie Night part two.

Second wave of the stupid blizzard came. Even more snow. God I hate snow. And it all came on the day I was suppose to hang out with Speedy. I was ticked off about that, everytime I want to see Speedy, it freaking snows.
Mom says its a beautiful day today though. "Like MotherNature said 'Oops! Sorry, PMS!'" Mom's exact words, they made me laugh.
Well, because I couldn't leave the house, Bryan decided to bring people to my house for yet another movie night, although we hadn't planned on watching movies until they realized my house has nothing else to do. So we watched Pirates of the Caribbean:Curse of the Black Pearl, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Through the first movie Marty and Kelsey were all curled up and silent, I'm pretty sure they fell asleep, especially since when the movie was over and I got up, Kelsey was asleep. Bryan almost fell asleep, and I almost did too.
There was a slight intermission between movies. Marty needed to call his parents and say he probably wasn't going to be home at 5:30. Consitering it was around 4ish and we were starting another movie. During the small break, Kelsey accidently kicked Bryan in the groin. I had to wrestle a dog toy away from Bryan to get the stupid squeeking to stop. And whenever I threw it, Bryan would go get it just to squeek it some more, made me wonder if Bryan really is a dog. I eventually got the ball away from him and ran upstairs to give it to Ducky, to find him and mom sleeping. I was kinda surprized they could be sleeping with all the noise we were making downstairs. When I went to sit next to Bryan and Kelsey gave me this weird look. Then watched me for the first couple minutes of the movie instead of the movie. I kept looking at her and pointing to the TV and told her there was a movi on. She told me she was watching something more interesting than the movie. She was trying to figure if Bryan and I were dating now or not with how we were acting. Then Marty started tickling Kelsey again, and Bryan used me as a human shild as to protect his sesitive parts from the strong legs of Kelsey. But even I know it's not good to be by Kelsey and Marty when they start tickling eachother, I've been hit and kicked many of times by that, but I still stayed where Bryan moved me. For about half the movie I stayed there. Kelsey gave me more weird looks when she saw me holding his hand. Eventually Bryan fell asleep, I was drifting until the phone rang and I sat up again. I realized how much my back hurt then and I moved off of Bryan. Shortly after my move, Bryan woke up and apologized for falling asleep. I assumed that Kelsey and Marty were asleep again with how quiet they were even when Bryan and I were whispering. I was laying on the floor and Bryan layed close to me with his arms around me, which was good because I was feeling cold. We watched more of the movie, and Cassie came downstairs. I expected her to say something with how Bryan was holding me, but she didn't. Mom came downstairs, and I expected her to say something too, instead she just asked how everyone was getting home. Bryan said his dad was giving him and Kelsey a ride home, and Marty was walking. I said I wasn't going anywhere, and asked what was for dinner. "Breakfast." We finished the second movie and Bryan hid the remote from all of us. I went into his pockets to try to find it, it was in his back pocket and hard to reach. He tried to fool me by moving and taking it out of his pocket when I wasn't looking, but I found it. There were more tickle fights. Bryan fell asleep in my lap. Kelsey and Marty wanted to give him a wedgie, I said they couldn't. They wanted to stick his hand in warm water. They told me to get the water. I told them that he was laying in my lap, I certainly wasn't going to be the one to get the water. Then they asked if they could do it if they got the water, and I said no. Bryan eventually woke up. We ate Dinn-Breakfast. I kept messing up Bryan by touching his neck. It made him twitch. Especially when he was trying to meditate, I wouldn't let him consintrate for more than a few seconds, even when he tried his hardest to block me out. We did random stuff until about 7:35 when Marty had to start walking home. He gave us all hugs and went on his way. I kept making Bryan twitch. And Kelsey taught me new ways, because "I was probably going to be his girlfriend soon and I needed to know how to make him do anything". We decided that the twitching was joygasms, especially when he couldn't for coheirent sentences. And in the middle of it all... I kissed him. It shocked the hell out of him and he froze up. All of what I learned was practiced, up until his dad came to pick them up. He could barely walk, it was so funny. When we all got upstairs, I hugged them both, and while they were going out the door mom said she now knew why I felt so short. When I hug Kelsey, I only come up to her boobs. I come up to Bryan and Marty's shoulders. And they seem to be the people I've been hanging out with lately. If I hang out with Steven and Misa, Steven is like a foot taller than me, and Misa is the only one shorter than me.
That was my night. Later Bryan and I talked on the phone again into the morning hours. And he asked what Kelsey did. "Are we dating?" Things would be so much clearer if I had been able to hang out with Speedy and tell him I was going to go out with Bryan. Till then I guess it's all just in the air.

Oh, by the way. I have another POS model cell phone. But it works. I need people's numbers again.

Quiality Bryan Time.

So. Yesterday I was in one of those moods. Happily Depressed and junk, right? Never a good time to be around me, but it's when I need people around most. Within an hour of waking up I ticked off Marty. Which made me cry, especially when I tried calling him and he didn't pick up.
I woke up at two by the way. In the afternoon. Anyways. By five I was on my way to the mall to hopefully hang out with Marty, Steven, Misa, Kelsey, Bryan. Bryan came back yesterday from his Christmas in Nebraska. So! I get to the mall, and I try calling Misa, but she desn't pick up, so I make my way to Borders to listen to some music or read until people came. Bryan called me while I was listening to Bowling For Soup, and I went outside of Borders to wait for him. While waiting, three random kids in strollers would just stare at me as they went by, it was alittle odd. There was a kid that looked like Matt, only this kid had a mohawk. One kid seemed very lost because he passed me about 5 times. One lady had a purse made from those Kool-Aid CaprisSun things, I kinda wanted to steal her purse just to buy her a better one. I have no money though.
Eventually Bryan came around, and we sat and talked about random observations with people. After awhile we took his eight bucks, went over to Panda Express, and he bought some food for us to share. When I started eatting he said "Well thank god, I thought I was going to have to force you to eat." Because most of the time, I'll tell people not to buy me any food I'm fine, but I'm actually perfectly fine with their scraps if they're not going to eat it. I didn't eat much of what he got anyways. But how could I pass it up? He got all the food I like and he didn't even ask what I wanted. Now thats Skillz. Anyways, After eatting we walked around the mall some more and talked, and got to the MODE store. Store of couches, the next favorite store since LoveSac was taken out. Anyways, we sat on like 5 different couches and chairs. There were paintings everywhere, mostly of mostly naked women. We talked and sat in silence, we talked about stuff that we both had been thinking since some of our text message conversations. In one of the text things, he said that I deserved to be happy more than he did, because I had a tougher upbringing than he did. I kept trying to get him to explain it but he couldn't really explain more than that he was a very spoiled kid. When we got up to leave, I realized I couldn't find my cell phone. Bryan and I went around the store, looking in all the places we had sat down, and even called it when looking but we had no such luck on finding it. We walked to all the places we had been and we never found it. I called mom and told her, she was pretty ticked. Second cell phone I've lost in four months. ;-; I really don't mean to! I did so well with holding onto my cell for the some odd years I had it. They seem to have overlooked that aspect and now are taking a long time to switch numbers over because its their way of punishing me. Well, Bryan and I walked around, found Anthony and got money for a soda from him. We found Kelsey and Marty, but they left right after we found them. We sat down in some of the rocking chairs and Bryan refused to let me rock too much because he didn't want me falling backward. He kept dropping hints, and called me beautiful in spanish. Me not knowing spanish had no idea what he said. I called him either fire or crazy in french because I really suck with pronounciation, ask Lana. She tries to beat accents into me. Bryan had these really random moments where he'd ask me who I was and where we were. I came up with different things to say each time. I'm SoulStealer. I'm Angie. I'm not fucking hot. And the last time I was about to say, "I'm your girlfriend." Instead I just started laughing and refused to tell him what I was going to say. He begged and I finally agreed to let him know if he guessed it. He couldn't figure it out and we even had to walk outside and wait for my mom. He guessed on the way home, and when I got home, he called and guessed for another 20 minutes or so. He finally figured it out and then we had guessing games until around 11pm. The phone died, and I spazzed. I couldn't remember his number, and I picked up the reciever in the phone in my room to see if maybe I could call him back, but he was still on the line. We ended up talking until around 4am when I got a big headache and went to sleep.

Had to get up at 7 for physical theorpy. I ended up waking up around 8 though. We went to the place, and its called Back To Normal. Mom and I waited around and I went into a room, I told her what had been going on and we did some random tests. All of which made me feel oh so very weak. One of the tests, I had to lay on my back and raise one of my legs, and she would push down on them and I'd try to hold them up. I couldn't do it. She gave me a massage andleft me with a heating pad, then we left. All of it took about an hour.

WTF. Srsly

What. The. Fuck.Seriously.
What is with people? So this is the low down on last night. I was in this weird mood, and was all jealous of couples. So I'm thinking, WTF. I'm the one who decided I wasn't ready for a relationship at all, and here I am jealous of all those people who have significant others. So Bryan asks what's wrong and I tell him just that. You know what he responds with?
"Well I know if you wanted someone you could have almost anyone."
I told him he lied. People shouldn't want me at all.Why would people want me?
"Well, you're pretty, smart, nice, funny, the list goes on."
No one sees that unless they get to know me.
"Well I got to know you."
I told him he was starting to sound as if he wanted to date me.
"Um well..."
HE LIKES ME!
"Um well.... Yeah"
I asked him for how long.
"For awhile. Ever since I really got to know you more."
I asked him why he didn't tell me a couple weeks ago when I asked.
"Because I know you don't want me to like you like that."
I don't really remember what I said then.
"Well if you don't keep trying you'll end up alone."
I'm fine being alone if other people are happy.
"I don't think so. I think it would be good if you had someone that really cared about you like I would."
I'll end up hurting him.
"I don't think you would ever hurt me. I'm not sure you could."
Of course I wouldn't hurt him on purpose. But I hurt everyone.
"Well I don't think you could hurt me. I'm too torn apart to feel anymore pain."
Then how is he so sure I'd make him better?
"Yes, I know you would. I'm tired of feeling numb inside."
Silence. I have no idea what to say to him.
"Angie? Are you still awake? Please talk to me. And yes, I know you could make me happy.""Will you atleast think about it? I would really like to make you happy.""Will you atleast consiter it?"
Yea..
"I'm sorry to put you through this. I'll leave you alone.""I'm.. I hope you choose what you think is best."
Yea... Me too.
"Well.. I'm sure you will."
How does he know I can make him happy?
"It's just something I can feel and I know that you can make me happy.""But I would even rather feel pain than this numb void that I'm surrounded by. Please save me from this dead feeling"
Cue crying.... Now.
"I don't want to be hurt but I'm willing to risk to be with you."
Cue guilt.... Now.But I thought he wasn't going to get back into relationships until his hair grw out again. What changed?
"My feelings... I can't always control them."
Well. Crap.

Movie Night! ^_^

So movie night happened afterall, and it didn't turn out to just be Marty and me. I invited Bryan over text, and then Kelsey over online messages and such. Around 4 I got bored, and didn't want to wait another hour for people to come over. Then mom and dad came home with a huge TV. Which is now sitting on the computer desk making it impossible to use that computer. Anyways, I was sitting on the living room floor watching TV when Marty came. We watched TV and waited for Bryan and Kelsey to come. When Bryan came in he was suddenly on his cell phone. "What Bryan? Two seconds in my house and you're bored?" He was on the phone with Kelsey, she was telling him she was going to be a little bit late. We all watched some more TV until i decided to get some pizza from the freezer for dinner. Marty came into the kitchen and asked if he could help. "Um. Yea. How do you make 2 pizzas at once?" None of us could answer that. Bryan said, "You just don't if you're as intelligent as us." So I preheated the oven and we made one pizza at a time. Kelsey came before I put the pizza in the oven. Kelsey was talking to us all when her mom called her cellphone and said she was stuck. So Bryan, Marty, Kelsey and I went outside to try to get the car unstuck. The first time we tried, I ended up almost falling but Kelsey caught me. I got my boot stuck in the snow, and oh so much snow inside of my boot. We spent probably 15 minutes outside when the neighbor came to help too and we finally got her mom's car unstuck thanks to Bryan. We went back inside, I put the pizza in the oven and we went downstairs to pick a movie to watch.
The first movie: Shaun of the Dead. Good movie, and now I know where my friends got "Fuck-a-doodle-doo". Part way through the movie the pizza was done and Bryan threatened to burn cats. I wreastled his lighter from him, and hid it. On Kelsey. He thought for the entire night I had the lighter. We stopped the movie, ate pizza, and talked. Kelsey, Marty and I went upstairs for sodas, and when we were on our way back down the stairs I saw Bryan peek around the corner as he lay in wait to scare us. I warned everyone. But when we got to the bottom of the stairs, Bryan jumped out of Dad's shop and made Kelsey scream. After that we moved places of sitting. At first I was sitting in the computer chair, Marty was in one chair, Bryan in another, which squeeked, and Kelsey sat on the audoman thing. After pizza, I was laying infront of the audoman, Kelsey was sitting between the audoman and the squeeky chair which Marty sat in, and Bryan sat on the chair Marty was previously sitting in. Alittle bit through the movie Bryan tried to scare me and failed horribly. Bryan moved onto the audoman, and kept scaring Kelsey. They scared her about 5 times before they decided it was getting old.
The next movie: The Fog. None of us had seen this movie. We moved around furnature to get comfortable. Bryan moved the audoman for him, Marty and Kelsey to lean against, but there wasn't enough room left for me. So I popped in the movie and decided to use people as pillows, closest one to me was Bryan. I put a pillow on his legs and layed down, Kelsey thought this was a good idea and did the same to Marty. After alittle bit I couldn't stop shaking because I was cold. Bryan thought I was scared. Apparently Kelsey was shaking too and Marty said "Well, now I know you're not cold." Giggles, Laughs and what not. We took a mini break for sodas, and I took this oppertunity to grab a blanket. Back to movie, Bryan kept petting my hair, which would have been alot better if his fingers didn't come so close to my eyes. I eventually stop shaking because I was all warm. ^_^
After we watched The Fog, it was almost 10pm. Bryan called his not-so-happy father and he came to pick Bryan up. While waiting, we had a lot of fun watching Bryan try to find his lighter which he thought I had hidden somewhere by the computer desk. In the process, he dropped his cellphone and I stole that too. When Bryan's dad came, Kelsey gave Bryan's lighter back to me to give to Bryan, but I never did. I did however, give him his cell back. I'm not too terribly mean. We gave Bryan hugs and he left.
Kelsey, Marty and I went back down stairs for one more movie. Billy Maddison. We didn't pay too much attention to the movie. Marty was laying in the middle of Kelsey and I and we kept tickling him. Which made it really hard for him to fall asleep no matter how tired he was. After the movie, Kelsey called her mom. It was kinda weird. Her mom didn't know she was still at my house. So we decided instead of making her mom drive to my house and get stuck in the snow again that Kelsey just spend the night. So we all went on the car drive to take Marty home, and we came back and Kelsey and I talked for hours. Marty went home around midnight. Kelsey and I were up til about 5:30am talking. There were probably only 3 or 4 random silences. Around 10:30am Kelsey's mom called her phone and we had a hard time going back to sleep. My hips hurt so I got up and walked around.
Kelsey went home later after much confusion on who and if people were going to pick her up. I never really talked to Kelsey before last night, and it was nice. People always badmouthed her and I knew she couldn't possibly be as bad as people said she was. So I found out for myself that she is a great person. So easy to talk to. I love friends.

On a side note. I got to see Speedy today. That made me really happy.

And on a totally totally different hand: I was watching music videos today. There are several songs I want. So if your at lack of an Angie Christmas present, download one of these songs and send it to me and I shall be forever in debt, because Music is my Drug.

-"Le Disko" by Shiny Toy Guns. (Marty downloaded this one, he has yet to send it to me though. Any other Shiny Toy Guns songs would be perfectly acceptable.)
-"Creeps Me Out" by IMA Robot (This song has a funny music video, everyone's playing musical chairs.)
-"Suddenly I See" by KT something or other. I didn't catch it fast enough to write it down, sorry.
-"Monster" by Med and Dia (Also fun music video. Flashing hearts.)
-"Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains
-"My Paper Heart" by All-American Rejects
-"Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" by Panic! At the Disco
-"She Is" by The Fray
-"Into the Ocean" by Blue October
-"The Hand That Feeds" by Nine Inch Nails
-"Always" by Blink 182
-"You're the Only One" by Maria Mena
-"Metro" by Vincent Black Shadow
-"Honestly" by Cartel
-"Rooftops" by Lost Prophets
-"It's Not Your Fault" by New Found Glory
-"Ready to Fall" by Rise Against
-"Oh Gravity" by Switchfoot

I think that's it.

Snow, Snow, Snow, We hate snow, Hate, Hate, Hate, Bad, Bad, Bad, Jebwee Jebwee

First day of actual break. It's my dad's birthday today.
Since none of my family seems to be going up to my aunt's house for Christmas, my mom decided, "Hey! let's have the Christmas party here since we are absolutely unready for any type of party, and have too much family to fit into this house comfortablely. We have no presents for anyone, but Angie, pick up that phoone and call relatives to see if they can come!" Or atleast that's what I heard come out of her mouth. And out of all relatives that I called, only three picked up. My aunt Cindy, my brother Shannon, and my nephew Josh. Cindy doesn't know because she's already done so much to prepare at her house, and she doesn't know if she can get down the mountain. Shannon is going where ever Krista and Doc are going. And when I called Krista, Josh answered and said she wasn't home, so I left a message with him. Everyone else I called I left a very lame, uninformitive message. I think we have a total of three presents under our tree, two of which are mine for other people. My dad and my sister. I didn't get around to getting a present for mom. Because I'm kinda out of cash. Stupid Target.
So possible movie night tonight. Last weekend when I went to the mall with Marty, I decided I really wanted a movie night. Marty kinda tried to organize one, but I'm pretty sure the only ones that can go are me and him. Misa's parents are mad that she's stayed the night at Steven's house twice this week because of snow. Steven well, won't come unless Misa's coming. Bryan may or may not be leaving for Nebraska today. Hah. Nebraska. Good luck there Bryan.

ARGH! Angie! Don't die!

So it turned out cold does not improve my coughing. Who knew? Well I did, but I didn't particularly care as I ventured out into the literal Winter Wonderland that has consumed Colorado as of late.
What's the worst wake up call ever? Snowballs. My mom walked into my room this morning and threw a snowball at me. I was in my PJ's for a couple hours then decided to unpack a box and go hang out with Marty, because I was in serious need of friend interaction. So I got all bundled up and started walking to the DQ. I got about halfway up the street and wanted to turn around. But I went on. I realized just about every other house would shovel their walks. So it was a lot easier to just walk in one of the two tire tracks in the middle of the road since my street had yet to be plowed. I got scared of slipping on the big hill on Simms so I went back onto the sidewalk. On my way walking, some guy told me I had the fastest mode of transportation and I couldn't help but laugh as he was digging out his car. Marty called me and asked where I was, and after a couple minutes on the phone we spotted eachother. I tried to walk faster but within two steps I fell because I was walking where someone hadn't shoveled. We walked over to the Everyday and found it was closed. The sign on the door said "Closed Due To Weather" and I looked around at the snow and started laughing. I mean they called the National Guard to help us. Of course Everyday is going to be closed because of weather. Marty and I called Bryan to make sure it was okay to stalk him at his house. We walked to his house and watched Bryan play Zelda on his Wii until about five. Misa and Steven got there about 4:30 and Misa wasn't too happy. While we were there, Bryan's brother scared Marty and I with how random and perverted he was for his age. And I couldn't stop coughing and Marty kept telling me not to die. Marty almost fell asleep on the beanbag we were on. Around 5 Marty and I decided we should start walking. But I guess we didn't have to because Bryan's dad gave us a ride home. And Bryan's mom gave us sugary goodness.
When we got infront of my house the snow was up to my boobs e_e and I fell. Rawr.

May the angels in the heavens watch over you because I know how much they envy you.

Why do people have to be so sweet? It makes me mad sometimes. But not right now. Right now I can't stop smiling. Everything seems so nice, so warm and cozy. I could curl up in my mind and sleep forever in the love, and always be happy.
I know that feeling won't last too long, but I'm beyond happy right now, and I'm not really caring what the future will hold.

Speedy's fine. He went to Layn's and now he's back at home, and his parents weren't even really mad. He called me this morning saying he was okay.

Snow day on the last day of finals. There's tons of snow outside. I ran outside with Ducky, and he could barely catch up. The snow was almost at my waist by then. When I ran to go back inside, I tripped over a doggy jump. An hour later my footprints were almost non existant. i love snow and hate it at the same time.

Oh gosh my heart feels so light. I wish this would never end. <3333

Aw honey, don't worry. I'm here.

Lately people have been coming to me with more problems than normal. Maybe they all just have more drama.
Bryson's in his weird mood again.
Danny's friend died.
Liz is worried about Bryson.
Speedy might no graduate. Today at lunch I was using Marty as a pillow until Speey came in in sat in the corner of the Cubby. I asked him if he was okay and he didnt say anything. So I got off Marty and sat next to Speedy and asked him what was wrong. He said, "My dad is going to kill me." I asked why. "There's no way I'm going to be able to graduate. No way. I'm such a screw up. I fuck up everything.." and he trailed off still critizing himself. I tried to comfort him, and held him as he cried. I wish I could have stayed with him longer, but lunch ended and I had to go to French for my Oral Final. I hugged him and kissed him on the head and went off to French. I didn't see him for the rest of the day, but Marty said he felt better after awhile and got more social. I was feeling good about that up until dinner when Speedy's mom called me and asked if I knew where Speedy was. I didn't. So she asked if I knew Kara. I do. She asked for her number and I gave it to her. I hope Speedy is okay. Cassie called and asked if Speedy's mom called me too. Apparently she called Cassie. He didn't show up to work today. Crap. All I can think about is the worst possible situation. Death. I hope he's okay. Crap. I'm starting to cry again.

Might finish post later. I don't know.

Rant: Friends with Benifits.

Seriously, what kind of relationship is that? People think it's ideal. Because there are no attachments. That never happens. Someone always gets attached and gets hurt in the end. The reason for this rant? Bryan is 'friends with benifits' with Kelsey. I haven't been thinking too highly of Kelsey lately. She doesn't seem like she's good with sticking with one guy too long. As far as I know, she's gone out with three guys that I know and dumped them all within weeks or even days, only to go back and do it all over again. Obviously Kelsey's going to be great with this friends with benifits thing because then she can flirt, kiss, and tease multiple guys and feel no guilt. She's broken Bryan's heart atleast 3 times, and I'm afriad this is going to cause a forth. She's gone out with Matt somewhere around 4 times and broke up with him each time, and got upset when he said it wasn't going to happen anymore. She got Matt mad, and that's hard to do with Matt's laid back attitude. If you think about it, friends with benifits is just an excuse for messing around with a bunch of people. How to you call that off though? Like if they were to find someone that the genunily wanted to be with? "I'm sorry, we can't be fuck-buddies anymore"? "I've found someone I like better." "I feel guilty cheating on my new boyfriend/girlfriend." OR! You don't even stop it. And when you get a girlfriend/boyfriend it is cheating. I just don't really get the point of friends with benifits. Honestly. I know Bryan's going to end up getting hurt because Kelsey jumps from guy to guy way too fast. I even told him so. He said he didn't care. And I guess he won't care until Kelsey hurts him again. Then he'll be afraid to get close to people again.

Sickly+Cramps=Bad

Because math can be used for bad things too.
So on Friday I got sick. Turns out that sore throat wasn't just from yelling. Friday morning, I get up, all pumped up for school. Because I have to give my half of the project to Misa. While I'm brushing me teeth, I suddenly have to throw up. How ironic is that? I try to convince my mom I can still go to school. She says no, I e-mail the paper to Misa and go back to bed. I didn't wake up till around noon when my mom came in, then I slept for two more hours. Minky came in around 2ish and decided he despretely wanted to be loved on. Some how he figured out how to open my door, then walked in, sat on my head and tried eatting my hair. I hate when he does that so I moved my head. He followed. This went on for about ten minutes then he walked around the bed. I tried to go back to sleep. Then he decides to bite my arm. Each time he did it I'd push him away and say no. He'd come right back. After about 7 times I pushed him off the bed, and told him no. He jumped back on the bed and decided to eat my hair again. Okay fine, I'll get up now. The rest of the day I curled up in a blanket and watched tv in the basement.
Saturday: I helped mom move stuff out of my room then went to the mall with Marty. No one else could go because they had Plans. Bryan was out skiing, Misa was going to Sasha's birthday party, and we couldnt get ahold of Kara. Well, Marty and I shopped for stuff, and I got some presents for my dad and my sister, and now out of fifty, I have eight dollars. When we got to Borders, I saw Steven coming down the stairs. So I ran for attack, found Misa and she glomped me and Marty. We asked Misa why she wasn't at Sasha's party, and she said she didn't really want to go because Laura was going to be there. (Which, honestly, I feel kinda hurt for not even getting invited to. Sasha is suppose to be my wife and all. She ditches me, blows me off, and then doesn't invite me to her birthday party. That makes feel all warm and fuzzy.) Well, Marty asks if I need a ride home because he's leaving, Misa and Steven were leaving soon too so I took the ride. But before they game me a ride home we went to BestBuy. Which made me just want to have a movie night so entirely much. They brought me home, I went on the computer and watched TV. Mom set up the tree, aand around 11:30 we put ordiments on it.
I went to bed around 1am.
I woke up around 5am with major cramps. I cried for almost an hour before I fell back asleep. Woke up this morning with my throat hurting terribly.
Ugh. I hate this.

[insert eye catching title here]

So today was..
Have you ever noticed that when I start posts like that they seem to be really happy or really depressing? I guess this is going to be a little bit of both.
Who knew someone could PMS this long and not stab someone? But believe me, I've almost done it.
I was all EMO beyond reason today. In the morning I got all ticked off at Sasha because I never see her and she'd rather look at pictures then spend any time with me. After that moment, I didn't wany anyone touching me. All hugs I ducked away from, and every time someone tried to touch my arms I'd cower away like an abused child. But you know what. I do feel abused. Or atleast used. I'm so sick and tired of getting close to all these people only to have them leave me. Oh, but that's alright. It's just Angie. It's okay to discard her. She'll get over it. I'm so tired of this. I hate being the one that's oh so easy to just walk away from. I'm sick and tire of being a doormat. The worst thing? I know I won't end up doing anything about this. You know why? I'm afriad of more people leaving me. When everyone realizes I won't be there all the time just in case, they'll find someone new. Someone better. What's this? Emo mindset again.
Anyways. I wouldn't let people touch me. For probably an hour I didn't speak a word to anyone. The first person I started talking to was Marty. I don't know why. Marty just seems like no threat to me. When he couldn't come over to paint he felt so bad about it. Maybe he's just in the same boat I am. The first words were about the yearbook he brought to school. My eigth grade yearbook and he's seventh grade yearbook. "We did STUFF" How lame of a cover is that? I think he was one of the very few kids who didnt decorate the cover in attempt to make it less Lame. First everyone else was looking through it, Marty invited me into the circle. They found a picture of Laura. After they had had this long conversation which almost made me cry about all the people leaving, they get o a picture of Laura. I almost started crying again. Marty, Misa, and Allison left. Bryan was meditating and I looked through the yearbook by myself. Flipping over the pages and thinking about how much all of my friends had change. I shouldn't have picked up that yearbook. I came to the picture of Laura again. I stared at the picture for what seemed like hours. Flashbacks. I started shaking and I knew what was coming. Curse my easy ability to cry. Johnny and Ariel commented on my shaking. I threw the book down and put my head on my knees trying to hide the fact that I was indeed crying. After awhile Bryan obviously took notice and held me. First person I let touch me without moving away. When I stopped shaking so much, he suggested we go on a walk and I could tell him what was troubling me. I was reluctant but went anyways. I had to clean my glasses and wiped off the remainder of the make-up that had been there since the previous morning. It turned my sweater sleeve blue. I told him what was wrong in the fewest words possible. "I really hate that everyone is moving." As soon as we walked into the commons I saw Becca and bolted. I ran outside, kinda tripped and collasped on the ground. On my way down I skinned part of my hand on the brick wall. To my surprize Bryan wasn't far behind. I crie somemore and I heard someone else run up and ask me what was wrong. I didn't look up, but I tried matching the voice with a face. I couldn't do it. When I finally stopped crying (again, god, I'm such a cry baby.) I looked up and saw Joe. Now I thought Joe had stopped really caring about what was wrong with my awhile ago. I didn't tell him what was wrong though. Bryan suggested going back inside. Again, I was reluctant, but I eventually got up. Stumbled over myself getting to the doors, but I still followed. We went to the Bagel Corner, and Joe stayed until he had to go to class. Bryan ditched. Tried to help me,but when I'm in that mood it's kinda useless. I can turn just about whatever anyone says to me into something negitive. It's almost like some twisted talent I don't even want. Kelsey got suspended for some stupid reason. Bryan convinced me to walk up to the hill where he ditched me. Ashley was there... I haven't seen Ashley for quite awhile. She just reminded me of Laura though. She also made me realize my mood has really gone down since freshman year. Since Laura left. She tried to cheer me up, and got a bit farther than Bryan did. I got cold and went inside. Only to go back outside with Anthony. We went back inside and went into jewlery class. I let Marty hug me, Jacqi, Anthony, James, and Ashley too. Marty went back out with me into the commons and he put shapie on my nails. Kara came over and we talked to her. Speedy came and hugged me. Then 4th period through the rest of the day is a pretty big blur. Maybe I'll blog about it later. but right now I'm really tired and I have to go to Access tomorrow.
So. Stupid me, you know. Writes all this personal stuff and feelings about people thinking "Hey, it's okay, they'll never read it." *smacks own head* So Charlie read all those posts about himself, and if I'm real unlucky he'll end up reading this one too.

But he's just a freshman!

Yesterday. Was TAU. Which was suppose to be Caitlin's going away party because it was going to be her last day of TAU. We got pizza and games to play, but Caitlin had to miss it because she was sick. We ate pizza and called her telling her we missed her and to feel better soon. We played Apples to Apples, well everyone did except Becca (Kenton's Becca) and I. For awhile I sat with Charlie and watched everyone play. Then Becca and I drew on the white board for awhile, and then when people started leaving I sat back with Charlie. When the circles room has opened up I sat on the floor because Charlie and I were the only ones sitting on desks. Charlie asked if I was just trying to tempt him to sit on the floor and I nodded and told him to sit in my lap. He was up for that offer and sat in my lap. He sat on my lap until we all decided we should end TAU and go home. I offered to give Charlie a ride home and we waited out front.
So. Yesterday mom also started moving furnature out of my old room. My bed, bookself, nightstand, and dresser are now in my new room. Having my bed in there meant my first night spending the night in there without it being Cassie's room was last night. I didn't really sleep well, it was super cold and quiet. I was too lazy to go and turn on the radio so it wouldn't be quiet. When I finally went to sleep, I had a weird dream.
So I was on the computer, and for some odd reason Charlie's dad (whom which I have never met) IM's me and tells me that he's leaving town and leaving Charlie on his own. I call Charlie and tell him he can't just stay alone, so I ask my dad if a friend can come over. He says sure, then I add, "oh, you don't mind that the friend is a guy right?" He gets all angry. "No boy friend of my daughter is spending the night at this house!" And I start yelling back, "But he's just a freshman! He can't take care of himself! He has no where else to go!" So my mom starts crying and calls me a noble person and starts setting up a room for him. I somehow tell him to come over without the phone. Well my parents had plans for the night and said they couldn't pick him up, but they were really happy with the bus ticket plan they came up with. (Which is odd because Charlie actually lives within walking distance.) Charlie gets here and I hug him, then I woke up.

Today. When I woke up I went to the vent in the kitchen and sat by it to get warm. School sucked. I was in a bad mood all day. My friends kept trying to cheer me up. I punched Marty for poking me. Then Speedy and Charlie decided to poke me too. Charlie eventually said something that made me smile, which I don't really remember what it was, but it made me laugh. They all left a message on my phone while I was sitting with them.
After school there was more working on the room and stuff. Eeeeeeeyup.